Page 79 of Here's to Now

“She’snotmy girlfriend!” I yell to his retreating back, his annoyance palpable as he moves down the bar, sloshing beer around.

Why the fuck does he keep insisting Haley and I are dating? We’re not.

I think.

Let’s be real; we spend as much time together as couples do. We sleep together, in every sense of the word. Idokeep some of my shit at her place, but she’s never met my siblings. She doesn’t know their story or even all ofmystory. I’m certain I don’t know all of hers either…or do I? Shit. Maybe wearedating in her head. Maybe I’m already her boyfriend and I don’t know. Are weexclusive?BecauseI’mexclusive.

Dammit. I think we need to havethe talk—you know, that one where we define what we are, where we make itofficialofficial.

But, hell, am I ready for official? As much as I hate to admit it, Benny is sort of right. Some of the things we do together constitute dating, but if we make this “official”, will it change what we have? Is she going to expect more out of me? Will I expect more out of her? Are we going to transform into different people? What if “couple me” isn’t good enough anymore?

Hold up.I’m getting myself all worked up over something that could be nothing.

Ha!Could be nothing? Who the fuck am I kidding?Of coursethis is something, and it’s big, bigger than I thought it’d ever be. Who’d have ever thought going out for a beer would turn into this? I took one drunk chick home out of the kindness of my asshole heart and now my life is tangled up with hers. I’ve comforted her, watched her cry more than once, held back her hair when she was puking up her guts from the flu. All of it. I’ve seen her in every state possible: happy, sad, emotional, confused, angry, you name it. I know, I know. This…relationshipseems unconventional to just about everyone else but us. We met, became instant friends, and spent an unheard of amount of time together for practical strangers. It’s worked for the last year (give or take a six-month break), but we have yet to tell anyone about our friendship. I haven’t told her about my past or, hell, even my plans for the future, but she’s divulged few secrets of her own. And yet, we’re perfectly content pretending this is something normal. And maybe it is. Who are we to judge what normal is?

Either way, we need to figure this out. I wasn’t thinking about it before, but now it won’t get out of my head. Thoughts of Haley and me and a future are stuck to my brain like super glue.

I need to get out of here. Being in the same place this all started isn’t helping.

“Can I get the check? I gotta head out.”

Benny scowls, punches some buttons on the touch screen behind the counter, rips the paper from the printer, and slams it down on the bar. Then he stands there, watching me as I slowly pull my wallet from my back pocket. I carefully count out the cash, making sure to add in a hefty tip just to piss him off even more.

He rolls his eyes as he scoops up the bill and the money. I give him a smug smile as I say, “Keep the change.”

Me: Busy tonight?

Nikki: Now this one is totally a booty call.

Me: I’ll take that as a no. Good. I’ll be by around 7.

Nikki: I love it when you get all bossy, bosser.

“We need to talk.”

“T-talk?” Haley asks hesitantly.

“Yep,” I tell her, my hands on my hips, looming over her small figure as she sits curled on the couch. “And I need you to promise to keep your hands to yourself untilafterwe’re done talking, you little minx.”

She giggles nervously, but scoots down the couch so I can claim “my spot”.

I sit, but don’t let myself rest back.

“You’re scaring me.”

I glance over to see her twisting the blanket in her lap up into her fists. Reaching over, I still her actions, trying to give her some reassurance. “Sorry. There’s no reason to be scared. This is a good talk, I think.”

“You think?” I nod. She takes a timid breath. “Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

“What…” I start, but am unable to push the sentence out, a little apprehensive of going down this path. But…I need to know. Ever since my conversation with Benny this afternoon, I’ve been thinking about it. It’s ceaselessly bounced around back and forth in my head like a fucking bouncy ball for hours.Hours. Is she seeing anyone else? Sleeping with anyone else? Does she see this as something with potential? Do I? Round and round, and fucking round we go. It’s been a nonstop mess of questions inside my head all day. I need to get this out. “What are we?”

“What do you mean?”

The tone of her voice, the one that sounds like she’s half amused and half worried, lets me know she knowsexactlywhat I mean. “Hales…”

“Are you trying to havethe talkwith me, Gaige? Because it’s kinda cute and sexy coming from a guy.”

“Coming from a guy? What’s that supposed to mean? Are guys not supposed to do this?”

---