Page 49 of Here's to Now

One Year Later

Do me a favor and imagine your life in the best state possible. Great, right? You’re happy, your friends are happy, your family is happy. Work is good, your vehicles are on the up and up, and even strangers are smiling at you. The sun is shining and each day feels like that first day of summer vacation all over again, that one where you get your first lick of soft serve, where you meet up with all your old and new friends, where you feel absolutely invincible. Nothing can touch you. This is your perfect day.

You have it? Good.

Now wreck it. No, seriously. Take a giant fucking wrecking ball and smash it into the ground like it’s that sad, dilapidated eyesore of a house you see hidden out in the woods when you’re driving down back roads. Yeah, we all know the one, that one you’re always curious about, the one you swear a mass murderer used to inhabit—or currently does. The roof is caved in, the shutters are swinging free, and the windows are all busted out. It’s scary and alluring, but it’s so ugly that it needs wrecking.

Wreck your perfect summer vacation day like it’s that house, and wreck it good.

My perfect summer day was Haley. And my wrecking ball?

It was fucking reality.

Everything was amazing, perfect almost.

Then it wasn’t.

Something changed six months ago, and I have no idea what the catalyst was.

Everything in my life has gone to shit. Complete and utter shit. I’ve lost people. I’ve lost my unsupervised visits because just when things were going great with the kids, Gunner broke his collarbone on my watch. So, yeah, all hopes of spending any more time away from Mercy’s with them was squelched.

Oh, and I got into a bar fight with that asshole Benny. A fucking bar fight. Because that makes me looksoresponsible.

To top it all off, Mercy’s health has been slowly deteriorating. Every day she grows weaker, unable to do simple tasks on her own. It pains me because she leaves a lot of the smaller things to the kids to take care of when I’m not there. They’re too young for those burdens. I wish I could swoop in and save them, take them away from there, but I can’t. Not yet. I have too much to get together before I’m able to do so, and I still have Mercy to go through.

I’m aware I sound like a bratty prick right now, but I don’t care.Nothingis going right. Not even the weather. It’s been raining for days, with not a glimpse of sunshine in the forecast. Everything is bleak.

Just like your life.

I’m sure you’re asking yourself,What about that beautiful green-eyed vixen you’ve spent your nights wrapped around?

And I say,What about her?

She’sthe reason everything has gone to shit.

Haley brought the sunshine for my perfect summer day. I apparently forgot to pack the sunblock, because all that’s happened since she left is burn after burn after fucking burn.

What went wrong? Hell if I know. We went from moving way too fast to moving slower than a leatherback sea turtle—and they don’t break seven miles per hour.

Everything was tranquil.

Until it wasn’t.

Haley locked the door.

After spending several nights a week at her apartment for about six months, we stopped talking entirely. I was locked out of her apartment, her heart, her fucking life. Nada. Thoughts ran ragged because there was no indication anything was ever wrong. The more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off. So, I took her number out of my phone and left her as “Unknown” because I clearly had no idea what exactly was happening between us.

As okay as I was with keeping our time at night to ourselves at first, it quickly became something I regretted agreeing to, because if someone else had known, I could have talked to them, gained some insight.Anything.

I missed our nights together. I missed Haley. I wanted to spend time with her, share quiet moments with her, tell her when everything wasn’t okay like I pretended it was.

But I couldn’t. She’s shut me out entirely. We went from our cheery banter to complete silence. Our once happy nights filled with TV shows, junk food, and getting to know one another turned into…nothing.

Then it was really nothing, seeing as she shut me out entirely.

I have no clue what shifted us into this position we’re in—if there even is a “we” anymore—but I’m too scared of losing her entirely to question it. I’ve heard through Hudson that things have been bad with Rae and Haley. I have a feeling it’s what has been keeping her away.

Or I hope so. Because if I did something wrong and she didn’t tell me, I’m going to be royally pissed.

---