Page 45 of Here's to Now

A fight where I deserved that and much worse.

My parents and I never got along. How could we? They never wanted me, never truly loved me. Affections came few and far between, attention was never paid, and I was often left to myself. I was nobody to them. So, when they started pretending they wanted to be a family when Gia came along, I was furious. A ten-year-old should never carry around that much anger and hatred toward anyone, especially their OWN parents.

I’ll admit now that I was one hundred percent out of control by the time I was sixteen. Hell, I was out of control way before that, but it festered until it became rotten, untilIbecame rotten. Until I was so infected with poisonous and vile feelings that I exploded. After my parents approached me with the news of their last five-month pregnancy, I lost it.

I lost my family.

I lostme.

I walked away from it all without hesitation. That’s when shit got really messed up.

“You’re not having any?” Gia’s soft voice drags me from memory lane.

I throw an appreciative smile at her, thankful for her unknown rescuing, and shake my head. “Nah. I’m good right now.”

Don’t get me wrong, the ice cream is calling to me hardcore, but I don’t want to break whatever this moment is, this peaceful, natural moment I’m having with my siblings. It feels too good to let go.

“Where’s the bathroom?” Gillian asks.

Glancing around, I find it at the back of the parlor. “Back there,” I tell her, pointing my finger toward it.

“May I be excused?”

A little surprised at her manners, I quietly murmur, “Sure.”

Gia follows her without question, leaving me alone with the two boys. Gunner huffs, mumbling something under his breath about how the girls always have to use the bathroom together and how “annoying” it is. I don’t have the heart to tell him to get used to it, that they’ll always do it. Eventually he’ll learn thatone more secondmeans a minimum of ten minutes. Or thatalmost donemeans he can kick back on the couch and finish that episode ofThe Flash.

I wonder momentarily if Haley is like that, if I’ll ever need to plan our dates out with a good half hour wiggle room, if she’ll be theone more second,almost donetype of girl. Or if I—

No. No dates. Haley and I arenotdating. Wewill notdate. What the hell is wrong with me? Where did that line of thinking come from? I’m not the dating guy, and I’m certainly not going to date someone who’s quickly becoming a good friend.

No. Nope. Not going to happen.

“Isn’t that your friend?”

I spin around, ignoring the pang of desire for it to be Haley. Knowing that’s the dumbest notion ever—let alone impossible because Gunner most certainly doesn’t know her—I’m not surprised to find Hudson entering the ice cream shop with Joey.

“Ohhh, Graham! Yourcrushis here!” Gunner taunts.

My eyes flash to Graham in an instant, and I watch as his face flames as red as the vinyl covering the booth and he sinks lower and lower in his seat. He has a crush. I know Joey and Graham know each other from school and from the few times I’ve taken the kids over to Hudson’s, but I had no idea Graham knew Joey enough tolikeher.

“Uncle G!” Joey shouts, running toward me with her arms open. She slings them around my neck, squeezing tight as she swings herself up on my lap. I hug her back with equal warmth.

My best friend was blessed in the kid department—Joey’s probably the most well behaved seven-year-old I know. We’ve bonded over the years with me having been there since she was just a newborn.

But…truth? She’s been my do-over. I abandoned my family, so I spilled all my warmth and effort into Joey. It’s probably why the kid looks at me like a second father.

Was it wrong of me to walk away from my newborn brother and siblings just to stick it to my parents and Mercy and then throw my efforts into making sure Hudson turned out okay with having a kid at seventeen? Fuck yes, but I’ve never claimed to be a saint.

“Hey, kiddo. What’re you doing here?”

She hooks a thumb over her shoulder. “Dad wanted ice cream.”

I glance up at my best friend to catch him rolling his eyes. “Dad did, huh? Are you sure?”

Joey bounces her head up and down.

“It’s not cool to fib, Joe.”

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