Page 124 of Here's to Now

“Language!”

“Screw my language, Mercy! You can’t play that double standard, and I only recently realized what a bullshitter you truly are.”

“Your time is up!” She stands, pointing at the door.

I’m about to stand as well, wanting to be on even ground, when Haley lands her hand on my leg. “No, it’s not. We still have four minutes and we aren’t leaving until you hear him out fully.”

Mercy hesitates, but then sits back down. “I’m counting,” she warns.

“Move on, Mercy. Move on from my past, from yours. Let me have the guardianship. I can make this right with them. I can give them a good home.”

“Right.” She laughs dryly. “With some random girl you married.”

“If it’s any consolation,” Haley speaks up, “I own a successful daycare. I’m not inept with children. I can manage them very well, actually. And, since I’m unable to have children of my own, this would be something that would bring great joy to my life.” My wife glances up at me and I smile encouragingly at her. “Ourlives.”

My aunt glances at the wall clock. “You have two minutes.”

Feeling the pressure, I rush through the rest of my speech. “Keeping us kids together is going to mean wonders for them. If you don’t sign those guardianship papers, they’ll go into the system and most likely be split up. It would be a total nightmare for them, and I know that’s not what you want. Please, Mercy, give me a chance here. I’m sitting here begging you for this. If that’s not a testament to how much I’ve changed, then I don’t know what is.Please.”

“Thirty seconds.”

“Why’d you take us in? To make up for what you didn’t do for my mom? For me? For an opportunity to right your wrongs? That’s what I want. I want that chance to make things better, to make them right. All I need is for you to give that to me.”

She doesn’t say anything, only stares at me. The only sound in the room is the ticking of the clock. In that moment, I believe I’ve lost her.She’s going to say no. I’ve lost my future with my siblings.

A heavy weight settles over me. My shoulders sag and tears threaten to fall. Haley slides an arm around me, pulling me toward her, supporting me when she knows I’m hardly holding myself together.

The seconds tick by, turning into minutes. I know we’ve overstayed our ten minutes, but I’m scared to leave this house. Scared I won’t be allowed back in. Terrified I’ve lost everything I’ve worked so hard for.

If it weren’t for Haley sitting next to me, I’d feel empty right now. Defeated. Done.

I gather a strong breath and push my head from Haley’s shoulder. Standing, I pull her up with me. I trudge down the hallway, sadness washing over me in waves, trying to pull me under and drown me. I try to keep my back straight and my head held high, but it’s the toughest struggle I’ve faced yet.

“I’ll sign them.”

I freeze. The voice is so small I almost miss it altogether. In fact, if it wasn’t for the way Haley’s gripping my arm—tight enough to cause a bruise, I’m sure—I would have thought I made it up.

There’s a shuffle coming from the living room, and I know the appropriate thing to do would be to go back in there, but I’m too scared to move, too afraid itisfake.

“Gaige, I’ll make sure you get the kids.”

Haley tugs on my arm and I make eye contact with her. She’s silently crying, but I know in an instant they’re happy tears. I spin toward Mercy.

“Are you being serious right now?”

“Very. I’ll make calls tomorrow and we can start the process.”

“Seriously?” I ask again, dazed.

“Yes,” she bites out, eyes narrowed. “Now, I need to get a nap in before the kids get home, so scoot along. I’ll be in touch tomorrow.”

She shoos us out the door but my feet won’t budge. That scared feeling washes over me again. What if I walk out and she changes her mind? What if she’s lying? What if this is all an act? I can’t leave.

“No,” I tell her.

“No? What does that even mean?”

“It means I won’t leave until I have something in writing. I can’t have you change your mind again. It ripped me apart last time. I need something tangible.”

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