Page 118 of Here's to Now

What if…it was never real?

Fuck. I need to get out of my own head.

“Gaige?”

Shit. Shit. SHIT.

I push off the wall, trying my best to make all my movements look natural and not forced, even though they are. My limbs feel like they weigh a hundred pounds each with the way I’m barely keeping myself standing.

I drift my eyes toward the voice from down the hall. I have to lean back against the wall or I’ll fall, because the sight of her about knocks me to my knees. She’s stunning. Her perfect, curvy body. Her touchable, delicate skin. Her light brown hair. Everything. My fingers itch to reach out and brush the strand of hair over her eye, to touch her golden skin, to thread her silky hair through my hands. I want to touch her—no, Ineedto touch her.

I take a step toward her. She hesitates on her step back.

I snap my gaze to hers and still my steps as I notice the small, almost hidden details. Her dark olive green eyes are swollen, her cheeks flushed. She looks like she hasn’t slept in a month or more. Mouth slightly ajar, there’s a crinkle smack dab in the middle of her brows. I’ve managed to surprise her and draw concern all at once.

And still, all I want to do is touch her.

I take another step. She doesn’t move.

Step. Stall. Step. Stall.

The trek is endless, until I’m all out of room.

Standing only inches from her, I clench my fists together to stop myself from reaching for her when I have no idea where it is we stand.

“What are you doing here?”

“You.”

“Huh?”

“I’m here for you.”

“Gaige,” she says, sounding exhausted. “I’ve had a long day.”

“I’ve had a long week.”

Her eyes water. She bites her lip and averts her gaze. “I have too.”

“I’m sorry.”

Lifting her chin a notch, she says, “That’s not enough.”

“I love you.”

Her eyes close. “I’ve missed those words.”

“I’ve missed you.”

Then she’s in my arms, and suddenly my world is right. I wrap her tightly in my embrace until I’m certain I’m crushing her. She hugs me back just as strongly. I can feel her tears soaking into my shirt, and I do everything I can to hold back my own. The moment is overwhelming and not enough all at once.

Threading my fingers through her hair, I gently pull her head back and fit my lips over hers. I don’t pause when I taste the salt from her tears. Instead, I devour it, needing to somehow clean up my mess. She kisses me back with equal eagerness, clutching my back and holding me to her.

I press her against the wall and continue my assault on her lips, our kiss turning hard and rushed. My lips ache from how roughly we’re moving them together. Haley presses into me as I push myself back on her. We’re fighting for more, and I’m just glad we’re fighting for the same thing.

After who knows how long, the kiss turns gentler and our intense movements grow languid and soft. Our lips are barely brushing together at this point, yet it feels so fucking satisfying.

“I love you,” I tell her again, my lips still softly caressing hers. I press my forehead to hers, ready to give the speech of a lifetime. “I’m so fucking sorry I never told you about the kids. I was terrified if I spoke of it out loud, it’d never come to pass. Stupid, I know. You have to understand, I’ve never been dealt a good hand in life. This is how I’ve always tried to make things go my way. I guess it’s like when you play the lottery. You don’t sit there and daydream about it and you sure as shit don’t talk about it. You buy your ticket, put it away, and ignore it until one day, it just happens. You’ve won. Your entire life fucking changes. That’s what I do. I play the lottery with life.” Pressing my forehead against hers harder, squeezing my eyes shut just a bit tighter, I whisper, “And I always fucking lose.”

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