Page 1 of Here's to Now

Want to know what sucks? Vacuum cleaners.

Want to know what sucks even more? Waking up married and regretting it.

I know, because I did. Just now. I feel like a complete jackass because Ishouldn’tregret it since it wasmyidea.

Hang on—before you start judging me, let me clear the air and say I don’t regret actuallygettingmarried. I regrethowwe were married.

In secret.

We fucking eloped. In Vegas. Is that even a thing anymore? Did it not die out when Britney Spears got married for a whopping fifty-five hours?

Either way, it happened. The entire night seemed headed toward this. It was like each shot we took was another step down the proverbial aisle…until it wasn’t so proverbial anymore. It was real life, and we were fucking getting hitched.

But we didn’t tell anyone. No, we hid it, as if we were doing something wrong.

We weren’t.

We didn’t.

Wearen’t.

But until yesterday, no one even knew we’ve been seeing each other. No one. Not one single fucking person among all seven billion something of us. The best (or worst) part? It’s been serious for months—like get-drunk-at-your-best-friend’s-bachelor-party-and-get-married-without-thinking-twice-about-it sort of serious.

Well, that’s what it was from my end. Not that I planned this—I didn’t.

But I’m getting way ahead of myself here.

Let me start from the beginning…

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