Page 14 of Silent Truths
“What the fuck is going on, Salem?” he asked, his voice low and raspy. “I’m confused as fuck.”
I swallowed thickly and shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweats. “I’m trying to make things right.”
He snorted before wincing and shutting his eyes for a brief moment. “You’re a year and a half too fucking late for that, asshole.”
I barely resisted wincing. No one else bothered me. Anyone else could spew whatever bullshit they wanted at me, and I would never bat an eye. I’d probably even laugh.
But Tor? His words cut me deeply. They splayed me open, leaving me bleeding all over the floor.
Was this how he’d been feeling every time I lashed out at him? Fuck, I was a dick. And no amount of groveling would undo all the damage I’d done to him.
I’m so fucking sorry, baby.
“I know I fucked up,” I told him, my throat so tight, I almost couldn’t breathe. But despite feeling like my airways were constricted, I stepped closer, the words spilling from my lips. “I panicked. You and I were always supposed to be just friends. That was it. And then… fuck. The way you moaned my name. The way you felt coming apart by my hands… it changed everything. I couldn’t cope with it. Couldn’t fucking deal with it. I was a coward; I know that. But I thought as long as I could keep you close, even if you hated me, that would be enough.”
I swallowed thickly and licked my dry lips. He was staring deep into my soul in that way he had always been capable of doing. Seeing right through any bullshit I might’ve tried. And maybe that was why he’d hated me so much more.
Because though I tried, I could never ever truly hate him in the way I wanted. He’d flipped my entire fucking world upside down. Uprooted everything I used to ground myself until I was just floating, lost and desolate.
“But then, you started spiraling,” I told him, my voice raspy. “You fucking started drinking so much more. As soon as we came home from tour, you stayed out partying. Decided to stay in a fucking hotel instead of coming home. And then last night, the Oxys…” My voice trailed off. My fingers curled into fists, my nails biting into my palm. “I thought I was going to lose you. And that… that is what made me realize that I’d rather face my shit than potentially never see you again.”
Tor snorted. “I had to almost overdose for you to stop being a dick?” he muttered. “Jesus Christ, Salem.”
I sighed. “Yeah.” One shoulder lifted in a shrug. “I’ve always been the dumbass out of the two of us.”
“Wrong,” Tor muttered as the door opened and the doctor stepped in. “You’ve always been a miserable son of a bitch too afraid to face reality.”
The doctor paused, looking between the two of us before roughly clearing his throat. Tor shut his eyes again, and I silently took a seat in the chair I’d been sitting in for hours, grabbing my shattered phone off the floor.
Tor wasn’t wrong. But I was determined to not be that guy anymore.
Tor needed me. And fucking hell, I needed him, too. Maybe even more than he needed me.
I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel of my car as I slowly made my way out of the emergency room parking garage. Tor was silent beside me. Hell, he’d been silent since the doctor deemed him okay to go home, only saying just enough to answer the doctor’s questions and to assure the nurse he was aware of his discharge instructions.
“You need to eat,” I quietly told him. The silence we’d fallen into felt like it’d shattered as if I’d smashed glass. Tor even flinched in the passenger seat. I cleared my throat, tightening my hands around the steering wheel. “You want fast food or something healthier?”
Tor rubbed at his right eye with the tips of his fingers. “Just, um, a fucking burger and fries. A milkshake, too. Chocolate. With extra whipped cream,” he added.
I nodded and headed for the nearest fast-food restaurant. After getting his food, he quietly dug in. He didn’t say thank you, and I didn’t expect him to. There was a lot of animosity still lingering in the air between us. It was so heavy, I could probably bench press it and not even be able to complete two reps.
He was finished with his food and the milkshake by the time I pulled into the driveway. Silently, we walked into the house. Tor immediately headed to our room, and I followed him, nodding once at Kalin, who was standing in the kitchen eating a sandwich, watching us with furrowed brows.
I shut the door behind us with a near-silent click, watching as Tor crawled straight into bed and turned onto his side, facing the wall, his back to me. I toed off my sneakers and peeled off my socks before yanking my shirt over my head. I wasn’t wearing briefs, so I left my sweats on. I was pretty sure Tor might rip my dick off if I tried getting into bed naked with him.
And then, I slid beneath the covers behind him, wrapping my arms around his midsection to tug him close. He tensed, his body going rigid. I flattened my palm over his chest, relieved to find his heart beating extremely fast.
Did that mean he was still as affected by my nearness as he used to be?
God, I hoped he was.
“What are you doing?” he croaked, his voice sounding strangled.
“Cuddling you,” I muttered, tucking my face into his hair, inhaling the pure scent of him—spicy with a hint of vanilla and honey from his shampoo.
“Why?”
I tightened my hold on him and tangled our legs together so he couldn’t escape me, even if he tried. I was stronger than him, and I wasn’t afraid to use that to my advantage.
