Page 48 of A Taste of Grace

I reached for his hands and nodded through my tears.

“I am. I stayed in a psychiatric center for a couple of weeks and worked through the issues that pushed me over the edge. I have coping mechanisms and journal every day to hold myself accountable for my thoughts and actions. Farmerton has played a role in my self-care. I’m concerned that my past might come back to harm me…us. You need to know that your fiancée isn’t perfect.”

Relief and a little bit of fear overtook me as I braced myself for the possibility that Caleb might reject me. I was used to being cast away, so it made sense for someone I opened myself up to disconnect when I needed them most.

Caleb placed his arm around me and held me close. I relaxed in his arms, wiping my nose as I sniffled.

“I’m sorry you went through that. God is a redeemer. His faithfulness is new every morning. If He doesn’t hold your pastagainst you, neither can I. No one else can condemn you either. I can’t judge anyone given my weaknesses.”

“Thank you for being a true man of God and for choosing me.”

“God chose you for me. Thank you for saying yes.”

Elder Peyton intertwined his fingers and smiled at us. Caleb and I may have piled the lovey-dovey answers on thick, but I believed what we said.

“Yes, yes, yes. I see a bright and glorious future ahead of you. Let’s discuss the ceremony. It’s coming fast.”

For the rest of the session, we discussed the order of service for our backyard wedding and opened up to each other about our child-raising beliefs. We agree that I wouldn’t use birth control and wouldn’t mind getting pregnant.

Privately, Caleb agreed to increase my allowance several thousand dollars per month for each baby I delivered. As a businesswoman with a heart for kids, I appreciated that gesture. Since Caleb would pay most of our household expenses, I planned to invest most of the money he gave me into accounts for any children we would have, including Hannah and Esther.

After our meeting, I stayed at the church for the rest of the afternoon, chatting with Caleb’s executive assistant and learning about the church’s history from Elder Peyton. Caleb worked in his office, returning calls and emailing people about church business.

When he finished, he walked into the conference room, his work bag in hand. I closed my laptop and started to pack up my belongings.

“You done?”

“Yes, and I have a surprise for you. But first, we’re going on a date. Mama is picking the girls up from school and taking care of them for the night.” Caleb winked at me and extended his hand toward me.

I put my hand in his and smiled as I rose and followed him toward the parking lot exit.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

Although we’d been at the church hours after our session, neither of us discussed my confession in detail. I needed to hear any concerns he had.

“I am. Are you? I’m so sorry for what you experienced, and I want us to dig deeper into that if you’re comfortable. I never want you to feel alone.” He kissed me on the cheek and furrowed his brows.

“I am well, but I want to make sure you’re okay since I didn’t go into detail about my mental health. It would only be fair if I gave you the chance to back out since I’m not the person you thought I was.” I said the words carefully, feeling it was the right thing to offer.

Caleb reached for me and kissed me with such tenderness that I wanted to crawl inside him and take up residence in the warmth of his heart.

“Neither of us is perfect. I’m not judging your past. Thanks for finally opening up about it.”

A veil of heaviness lifted off me at Caleb’s response.

“Nita was right. Counseling was exactly what we needed to get on the same page. Elder Peyton is a kind, discerning man. I’m excited about getting married now.”

“That pleases me.”

Caleb followed me home, where I dropped off my car. As we rode, we discussed our wedding plans and what life would look like once I moved into his home. Before I knew it, we were thirty miles outside Farmerton in Romaville, the biggest place that served five-star meals. After a quiet evening where we continued to debrief about our session, Caleb paid for the meal and escorted me back to the car.

“I have one more stop to make before we head home.”

I nodded. Within minutes, he pulled into the empty parking lot of a jewelry store called The Platinum Pagoda. Caleb exited the car and opened the passenger car door, leading me to the front door of the posh store, and we greeted the gruff security guard standing at the entrance. Caleb led me to the back of a store where a woman who looked to be our age waved at us.

“Caleb, I’ve been expecting you. This must be your gorgeous fiancée. She hugged Caleb then me before pulling a closed ring box from beneath the area where she stood.

She placed it on the jewelry display case that held some of the most exquisite wedding and engagement rings I had ever seen.

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