Page 33 of A Taste of Grace

“Hey, Queen. I want to confirm that I’ll see you in the morning. I can’t have you backing out.”

“My clothes are ready. Anything I should know about your church? I don’t want to embarrass you or anything.”

“You could never embarrass me. Just wear something tight and sexy so I can ogle your body again.”

“If you don’t stop being so mannish…”

Caleb’s low laugh rumbled through the phone.

“I haven’t had sex in years, woman. When it looks as if the drought is almost over, you’ve got to give a brother some slack. Dang.”

It pleased me that Caleb was as horny as I was.

“In that case, I’ll wear a see-through teddy so you won’t miss me.”

“As long as it’s red.”

I snorted like a pig when he said that. We both laughed hard.

“I’m so sorry.” I wiped tears from my eyes and took a deep breath to compose myself.

“It’s fine, but seriously, we’re a laid-back bunch. Come as you are. When you enter the sanctuary, tell the ushers your name, and they’ll escort you to the front near my mother and Aunt Nita.”

“I’ll stay in the back if it’s okay with you.”

“Okay. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Thanks. What’s the topic of your sermon?”

“Waiting and trusting in God for the blessings coming our way.”

“That sounds encouraging. I can’t wait.” I smiled, instinctively knowing Caleb was a rock star orator who would preach the stank off a sermon.

That was another reason I wanted to sit in the back of the sanctuary. It would allow me to praise God and observe Caleb in action without feeling self-conscious.

“My mother will be joining us for brunch tomorrow. Aunt Nita might be there too. I know you wanted to bring something, but you don’t have to.”

“My mama told me never to show up to a meal at someone’s house empty-handed. I’ll bring my great-auntie’s Mae Jimmie’s banana pudding. Family myth says the man who eats it will marry the woman who makes it.”

“You already know I’m down for that, so save two servings for me, sweetheart.”

Of course, Caleb would snap back with a witty comment that made my clit tingle.

The next morning, dread tried to overtake me. I grew up in the church and relied on God to support me, but I still had concerns. What would the people at Haven of Hope and Blessings say about Caleb giving attention to me, an outsider? Church people could be petty, and I didn’t need that kind of mess in my life. I wanted to support Caleb and the girls, get a word, and fellowship with them afterward.

I picked up my phone to text Caleb good morning and tell him I wasn’t going to be at church or show up at his house. As I washed my face and brushed my teeth, I gripped the corner of the bathroom counter, hating what I was about to do.

“Lord, please give me strength.” I said the words out loud, not wanting to relapse.

The devil was fighting me hard when a notification popped up on my phone.

Nita:

Good morning, Sunshine. Your blessing is just around the corner. I feel it. See you soon.

I rinsed my mouth and read Nita’s words several times. I knew firsthand what it felt like to be immersed in darkness. Why was I allowing it to squash the light coming my way? I pulled out my journal. Many of my entries from the psych hospital had become daily affirmations and prayers. I turned to one from two weeks ago.

Lord, help me become part of a thriving community and connect with people who want to know the real me. Give methecourage to show people who I am now. Let my authenticity shine through.

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