Page 8 of My Soul Is His

She belongs in Hell for all the pain she has caused. I should have let nature run its course so she could take her rightful spot instead of killing her. Disappointment and hatred fill her face, and I stumble backwards.

My vision greys and the colours in this realm fade away. Dark tendrils cover my shoulder and as I shake them off, I look behind me.

Depression is always lurking, sky-high and thin as it stalks me at every turn. Anxiety has fangs, and misery has the longest fingers touching you from wherever it stands.

I’ve often wondered if it’s different for everyone, as they have said. I can’t help but question if it’s our perceptions, life-altering moments that formed us into who we are. Or maybe they are different and we’re all fucked.

A light blue giant leaps after me, changing with its surroundings as it nears. This is the one I’ll never understand. A quick look over my shoulder shows the window is gone, leaving me alone.

I inhale a shaky breath as the claws reach me. Blackness clouds my mind and memories of abuse skate through the folds in my brain. A fog surrounds us, pillowing around in an eerie fashion. Each scratch opens my flesh, and blood runs down my arm.

Smiling, I stare into its black eyes and wait for more, euphoria coursing through me, something I can never explain to anyone. Harming myself is useless here because of the rapid healing, delaying my gratitude for the damage inflicted.

However, when the demons get carried away and I need the release, I relish in it if only for a moment before running away. This time I crave it like a cigarette, a drink that’s out of reach, and as the claws grip me again I can only close my eyes and sigh.

Within seconds the sharp talons retract, and loud sudden noises fill my soul, startling me with its erraticism. Fog turns into dark shadows and Sebastian’s face peeks through.

The demon slits his throat calculatingly and my stomach clenches, twisting knots through my body and as I try to run, I’m held in place to watch the demon kill him.

A thick blackness swallows the world, and I’m adrift, a sense of despair washing over me, knowing I can’t live without Sebastian.

I find myself swimming through the chaos that was my life, good memories flashing by like a thought I’m not allowed to have, the bad ones sluggishly passing to remind me I wasn’t worth anything other than being the burden my mother always told me I was.

“MARLA.” Sebastian is close, but that’s impossible. I watched him die.

Perhaps this is the stop where I’ve lost my mind, and the husk of a person will lie in the dead grass surrounding me.

“My dove, wake up.” Strong arms cradle me and as I force my eyes open, I am held close to his body, the familiar scar of my initials carved into his chest.

“I’m sorry,” I whimper.

“Just stay with me, alright?” He hums a song we used to play during our drives and I focus on the sound.

He is my anchor, a steadying presence when fear threatens to consume me. I put everything in jeopardy each time I do these things.

We reach a secluded area, the place where he spawned when he first came here. I’ve looked for this location before and have always fallen short. Sebastian sits against a tree with me in his arms, pulling me closer again as he kisses my forehead.

“I…”

“No, you don’t get to say sorry. You are safe now. Let’s rest for a bit before heading back.”

“Sorry doesn’t cover it, because I’ll forever be putting you and the others in danger to see a glimpse of something that might not even be real. You should let me go. I’ve always been a burden, and I doubt it’s ever going to change,” I whisper.

Four

Sebastian

Each word acts like a sharp knife twisting in my chest. If she thinks I’d leave because she chases dreams in a toxic world, she’s wrong.

I’d never want her to change. Marla has always been my symbol to do better and become a man she could be proud of.

“If you change, I’ll be coming after you myself. You are perfectly mine, and that’s all I need. What happened?”

She curls her fingers in my shirt, her touch settling the rage under my skin.

“You know already. I heard her voice, came to find it, saw my cunt mother, and got attacked. It’s the same thing I always do.”

Marla doesn’t look at me and I press her harder against my body. She shakes like a leaf, and I know something bigger happened.

---