Page 124 of The Life We Wanted
“Huh.Right. Well, we’ll call as soon as we’re back with the piggies. God, they’regoing to be so angry with us for leaving them home alone …” He tipped his headtoward Mom, eyeing her with worry, and she nodded sympathetically.
Theyturned to Tabby with hopeful grins and wistful eyes. I saw in them every wish Ihad left. For her to take me back, for her to be mine. To recognize that whatwe had wasn’t something to question, but something to accept as beingright.
“MerryChristmas, Tabby,” Mom said, pulling her into an encompassing hug. “I’m so gladyou could join us.”
“Metoo,” Tabby spoke quietly against Mom’s shoulder. Squeezing her and sighing. “Gethome safe.
Dadwas next to wrap his arms around her. “Give him a chance,” he said, a littletoo loudly and I groaned, shaking my head.
“Thanksa lot, Dad. Now she’s onto my master plan,” I groused with a stony glare in hisdirection.
Tabbylaughed, kissing my father on the cheek. “We’ll see,” she whispered, but loudenough for me to also hear. “Merry Christmas.”
Myparents left with encouraging glances in my direction before closing the doorbehind them. And then, Tabby and I were alone, save for Greyson and Dweezilsleeping on the couch. I sucked in a breath of determination and bravery, as I crossedthe living room to grab a blanket, laying it over Greyson and smoothing thehair off his forehead.
“Youtouch him like he’s a baby,” Tabby commented gently, coming to stand beside me.
Ihad never thought about it like that before, catching my fingers as theydelicately brushed over his hairline. “I guess because, for me, he kinda is. Imissed out on that shit, you know?”
Tabbyworried her lower lip between her teeth and nodded with understanding. “Yeah, Iknow,” she whispered, and then she took my hand. “Come on. I have a present foryou.”
Ilet her lead me from the living room before I asked, “Is it a blowjob?”
Lookingover her shoulder, she huffed with exasperation. “Notthatkind ofpresent.”
BeforeI could express my disappointment, we were in the backroom, the room I wouldalways consider Sandy’s room, now cluttered with boxes and things needing to beput away. Tabby released my hand to grab a small wrapped gift from a pile of boxes.
“Ihid it in here when we were unwrapping gifts earlier. I thought you’d prefer toopen it in private,” she explained, and my lips lifted into a suggestive grin.
“Isit a picture of you, naked? Because, Thumbelina, I would really appreciate thefuck out of that.”
Rollingher eyes, she bit her bottom lip before saying, “Maybe one day, but that’s—”
Mybrows jumped to my hairline. “Whoa. You didn’t say no.”
“Justopen the damn present,” she pressed impatiently with a light giggle. “Thenwe’ll talk.”
Takinga deep breath, I sat down on a spare drum throne. “Okay, let’s see what we havein here,” I muttered, tearing the corner to reveal a hint of baby blue, and Ifroze. My throat worked, my jaw shifted, and I looked back to Tabby with hesitation.She nodded, urging me to continue, and I tore the paper from the glass window.
Animmediate rush of tears flooded my eyes at the sight of a tiny baby boy, swaddledin blue, with a little cap on his head. His eyes were closed, and I imagined Icould hear him breathing. I imagined I could smell the new scent of his skin, couldfeel the fragile knuckles of every tiny finger. I imagined that I knew what itwas like to hold him in the crook of my arm, the way I’d hold Devin’s Olivia,except Greyson wasmine. To cherish. To protect.
“He,uh … he was such a good baby,” Tabby said, filling the space with somethingother than the sound of my running nose and dripping eyes. “He loved to cuddle,and was one of those rare babies that slept through the night. Sam used tothink there was something wrong with him because he wassofreakishlygood, until he was a toddler and all Hell broke loose.”
Ilaughed, nodding through my breakdown. “Talk to my mom. Supposedly I was a realasshole when I was three.”
“Oh,I can only imagine.”
“Thankyou,” I said hoarsely, gripping the picture frame between shaking hands. “Forthis. This is probably the best fucking present you could’ve ever given me.”
Shemoved toward me, and a flash of déjà vu struck me from that night in my drumstudio. The time she had first kissed me. But tonight there was no musicplaying, there was no urgent desperation to feed on her passion. All there was,was the searing, throbbing knowledge that this wasn’t anit just issituation. It never was. It was my salvation, her freedom—it waseverything.
“Sebastian,I never wanted to get into real estate. It wasn’t like, this dream of mine tosell houses. But when Sam got pregnant, I felt so much pressure to be the gooddaughter, and to be a stable figure in Greyson’s life. So, I forced myself tochange. I went to college, I got this boring fucking job that I turned out beingpretty good at, and I met a guy I cared for who never felt entirely right.”
Ishook my head, lowering the frame to my lap. “I already know this shit, Tabby. Youdon’t need to explain it to me.”
Sheheld a hand out and I closed my lips. “It was so fucking exhausting beingsomeone I was never comfortable with. But I’d just look at my sister and think,well, that’s the alternative. And then, when she died, I just …” She lookedoff, beyond me, her bottom lip trembling. “I just couldn’t figure out what purposea life like that has in the world, you know? Working these menial jobs,screwing men for fun, jumping from apartment to apartment, and mooching offpeople … all for it to end, leaving behind a fucking mess for someone else toclean up.”
Thetremoring anger in her voice stabbed at my heart, at my lungs, until my handsclenched tightly around the painted wood frame. It was all I had, all I coulddo, to keep myself from reaching out and pulling her to me.
