Page 74 of Holly Freakin' Hughes

Helaughed bitterly. “People like me … That’s fucking hilarious.” The floodgatesopened upthen and I watched in terrified awe as a teartrickled over his cheek. “You know how I fell in love with you? You want toknowwhyit was so hard for me to tell you? Because you never treated melike I was a personlike me,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Howwas I supposed to when I had no idea who you were?” I spat at him before Irushed into the kitchen, immediately hit by the scent of eggplant parmesan. Icaught a glimpse of our dirtied dishes still sitting in the kitchen sink as Isnatched my phone from the counter.

“Younever asked,” I heard him mumble, and my pride remained silent as I wondered ifit would have made any difference if I had.

“Imeant what I said, you know,” he called after me, and I spun around to see himstanding in the foyer, looking up towards the chandelier.

“What?”

Heshrugged helplessly, turning to walk somberly into the darkness of the livingroom. “I’d give it all up. The job, the house, the money, the car—everything;I’d throw it all away for you. I couldn’t do that for Julia, but Ineedyou, and if that’s what it would take to be with you, I’d be done with ittomorrow.”

Ishook my head at his back. “You don’t know when to quit, do you?”

Heturned on his heel, walking back into the light of the foyer, appearing to methen as a soldier who had realized he was losing a battle, ready to surrender atwhatever cost. The trails the tears had made over his bristled cheeks shoneunder the chandelier’s light. “Iloveyou, Holly. Do you understand whatthat even means? I have tried to turn it off—I swear to God—but Ican’t.Hell, maybe I could have tried harder, maybe I could have stayed away, but …Fuck …” He sniffed, pushing his sex-disheveled hair back with a hand. “I didn’task for this to happen.”

Thetears that had finally begun to slow sprang back to my eyes, falling freelyover my damp face. “Well, neither did I,” I said, my words warbled by thedownpour of tears. I turned to walk further into the kitchen, hitting Liz’snumber in my contacts and waited for what felt like an eternity for her toanswer.

“Wait!”Brandon entered the doorway then, obviously unable to just leave me to get outof there in peace. “Let me just say one more thing, Holly, please.”

Iturned to face him and held the phone away from me, granting him the permissionto speak with the stubborn decision already made that I wasn’t going to listento afreakin’ word he had to say.

“Ihave only told two women that I was in love them—two, in almostthirty-seven years—and one of them was you. I’m fuckingbeggingyou, ifyou believe nothing else,pleasebelieve that.”

Ifelt my bottom lip begin to lose control as I brought the phone to my ear.Brandon nodded once, his shoulders suddenly appearing too heavy for him to holdas he wiped a hand slowly down his face before backing out of the kitchen andheading up the stairs, his feet sounding heavy on the treads. After a moment, Iheard a door slam from somewhere overhead. I winced at the sound, as though Iwas only then aware of how hurt he had been.

Buthe hid this from me, and I’m not good enough for him.

Lizseemed to be chanting my name on the other end, her voice sounding more franticevery time as she asked if everything was okay.

“HeyLiz,” I said, clearing my throat. “I need you to pick me up, okay?”

AndI prepared myself to walk away from a life never meant to be mine.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

BRANDON

Every ounce of my bodyand heart told me to run after her, but my mind kept a morepowerful hold on me and I watched her from my office window, getting into her sister’scar. I watched through the stained glass as her face crumpled, hands tanglingin the unruly hair I myself had tousled not hours before, and my fists clenchedat my sides at the sight. After the countless tears I had seen her shed, Inever wanted to be the cause, but there it was and it was nearly enough to sendme into a craze, destroying everything within arm’s reach.

I didn’t bother staring as they pulled away,fearing that the pain could actually get worse if I had. I turned and sat inthe chair at my desk and eyed the stack of my books on the desk, and I stareduntil I saw them as the enemy. My life’s work that had in one way or anothermanaged to be the destruction of not one relationship but two.

Julia flickered into my mind as I stared beyondthe pile of books and into a past life. I saw the late night conversations wehad shared over countless cups of coffee, talking about our shared dream offinding ourselves on the shelves of bookstores everywhere. I saw the wall ofour Brooklyn apartment; plastered with the countless rejection letters wetogether accrued. The shared disappointment and dreams had kept us movingforward, kept us happy, but then came the letter of acceptance that should havemade us both excited, and instead left one of us dragging through a dangerousswamp of jealousy.

My fingers turned white under the strain of myclenching fists, reminding myself of that final argument that sent theengagement ring into my chest. Julia, the woman I had committed myself to forover ten years, had left me at the beginning of my rise to fame with an emptyhouse and a list of wedding guests and caterers to call. All because she hadallowed her jealousy to brew into a soul-consuming hatred.

I reminded myself of how much I hated her forit. How I had sworn to whatever deity would listen that I would never putmyself into that position again. This career left no room for real,honest-to-God love. I had convinced myself of that all those years ago, andwhat the hell had made me think it could be any different with Holly?

People like you don’t fall in love with peoplelike me.Her words echoed through my brain,accompanied by that little voice, whispering, “Another me, another life,” and Isaw red.

A rampage of regrettable thoughts bulldozedthrough my teetering mind. If I had simply kept my distance after I foundmyself absurdly enchanted at first sight, none of this would have happened. Inever would have felt the need to hide myself, I never would have set myselfback in my current work, and I never would have veered off my path of perpetualsolitude. I could have spared myself the pain and torment of landing in thevery position I had feared.

But I never would have known what it was liketo look into her eyes, to be inside her, and know exactly how it feels to becomplete.

Yes, but if I had never known her, I neverwould have known how fucking empty I am without her.

A flurry of sorrow-fueled rage was sent forththrough my fingertips as I shoved the entire stack of books over onto the floorwith a clatter that vibrated through the floorboards. My path of destructionbrought my hands to the laptop next. I lifted it, shakily gripping the aluminumcasing with fury sending waves of tension through my biceps, and I was ready tosmash it down onto the desk’s surface to destroy everything I had been workingon, until I stopped myself with a single thought:Florida.

And just like that, my mind was made up, and Ipulled my cell phone from my pocket.

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