Page 29 of Holly Freakin' Hughes

Butshe only smiled, looking up from her menu. “Me too.”

***

Shewas ravenous, and she seemed to inhale the hamburger loaded with bacon, lettuce,and tomato. I couldn’t recall the last time a woman had eaten in front of mewithout the slightest hint of self-consciousness getting in the way of theirenjoyment.

MyGod, it was so refreshing.

“Thisissogood,” she groaned through a mouthful of food. I tried to hide myamusement, but she caught me and rolled her eyes. “You havenoidea howsick of take-out I am. This isn’t even arealhome-cooked meal, but it’sthe closest thing I’ve come to it in months.” She took a long sip of iced teabefore resuming her assault on the burger.

“Well,hey, if you ever want to come over and cook me dinner, don’t let me stop you. Ican’t cook to save my life,” I admitted before stuffing a fry into my mouth.

“Iheard,” she teased, sending a quick glance over at Birdy.

“Juliawas the cook, so when she left, I stopped eating like a normal human being.” Italked absentmindedly, and as what I had said settled in, I stopped my chewingand a hand flew to my hair.

Hollyshoved the last bite of her burger into her mouth. “Who’s Julia?” She askedinnocently, completely unaware of what it truly meant for me to openly talkabout her to someone. “It’s amazing you even have hair, by the way. You do thatthingso often.”

Isighed ruefully, looking up towards the low-hanging light that hovered abovethe table. “Julia,” I began, letting the name pass through my lips slowly,savoring the bitter taste, “was my fiancée.”

“Youwere engaged?” She was clearly shocked by the news and unsure of if she shouldbe expressing pity or not.

“Yep,”I said shortly, annoyed at myself for inviting the conversation.

Holly’seyes dropped to the table and danced over the surface for a few painfulmoments, her jaw working from side-to-side. With her eyes still glued to thetable, she finally spoke in a timid voice. “What happened?”

Iwasn’t wanting the topic to linger for long, and I quickly ran through thedifferent ways to explain what had happened. To tell the whole truth meanttelling the whole truth about myself, and I wasn’t ready. I clasped my hands onthe table, resisting the urge to rake my hair right out of my scalp.

“Sheand I had been together for a long time—about ten years or so—before we wereengaged.”

Hollyheld her hands up, keeping me from moving forward, and dammit if I didn’t havethe slightest bit of aggravation niggling at me. “I’m sorry, but you weretogether for tenyearsbefore you were engaged? Jeez, andIwasmad at Stephen that he hadn’t proposed after two.”

“Well,we never shied away from the idea of getting married, but …” I sighed, alreadyfeeling as though I was delving further into the topic than I wanted. I drummedmy fingers anxiously against the table. “We had started dating in our firstyear of college, so when we had come to the realization that we wanted to getmarried one day, we decided to wait until after graduation. But then graduationrolled around, and we got busy with finding jobs, finding an apartment, then …life just gets in the way sometimes, and before you know it, ten years fly by.”

Ishook my head, feeling a few hairs fall against my forehead, but I didn’tbother pushing them back as I nudged a fry on my plate. “I used to wonder ifthat was part of it; maybe we had just waited too long. But …” I avoidednoticing the way she looked at me by shoving the fry in, and I continued,talking around it. “We were only two months away from the wedding, just closedon a house, and she just, uh, decided she more or less despised me and nolonger wanted anything to do with me.”

“Holyshit, I’m sorry,” she said apologetically, her eyes dropping to the table, asthough I would snap at her if she dared to look. “I don’t even know what elseto say.”

“It’sfine, and you don’t have to say anything. It was a long time ago.”

“Well,I’m sorry,” Holly repeated, this time in a whisper. She looked to me again, thefamiliar pain overshadowing the golden flecks in her eyes.

Shewas sad for me, but without the pity so many others had felt when I called totell them the wedding was off. No, she was sad in a way that told me sheunderstood what it was like to have love and be forced to give it up. Sheunderstood what it was to not be enough for the person you thought you neededmore than the world. She understood in a way that brought my heart to releaseany residual ache it had been holding onto, and it felt good. It felt warm, itfelt alive, and it felt a lot like love.

Ishook my head slowly, dismissing the apology. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” Isaid in a low voice, and cursed myself for not sending the fear along with thepain.

***

Wedrove in silence back down Main Street, and I fantasized about the bottle ofScotch lying in my desk drawer. I accepted I was going to need it that night. Ialso accepted that there was little chance of getting anymore writing done. Isilently apologized to Breckenridge, feeling guilty for already stifling hisvoice for too long.

Hollyshifted in the heated seat, a distressed sigh passed through her lips and intothe quiet of the car. I glanced quickly at her, to see if she was all right,and her eyes met mine.

“Thanksfor tonight,” she said with a little smile and another sigh. “I’m just notexactly looking forward to going home and having to work tomorrow, just so mylittle mundane life can begin all over again.”

“Yeah,well, at least you won’t have the phone call I’ll have waiting for me once Iget back to my house,” I grumbled, knowing damn well that Birdy had called mymother once we had left. I could just hear my mother’s excited voice, leavingmessage after joyful message on the machine.

Hollylaughed. “God, that’s right. Hey, I could come with you and talk to her. Reallysolidify the whole thing.”

Onthe surface, the idea wasn’t a terrible one. My mother would rest easy foronce, believing her little boy was happily involved with a respectful woman,and I could, at least for a while, avoid any further conversation about myrelationship status. But when I dug deeper, the sheer thought of her being inmy house kicked my anxiety to an unbearable level. Having her exposed to somany secrets, as well as my bedroom, told me that the idea was not only a badone, but a dangerous one.

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