Page 70 of Ice Block

“No. I will walk back to the reception with you, then Kara can take me back to the room. Will that work for you,Vladimir?”

Out of the corner of my eye I see his shoulders slump forward. “Yes. Thank you,” he says, a heaviness in his voice. “I’m sorry.”

“Good for you,” I grumble, stomping forward once more.

“Maggie, no. I’m…I’m sorry I can’t be what you need.”

His words stop me in my tracks, hitting me like a punch to the gut and driving all the air from my lungs. “You know what? You are a fucking liar. And the worst part is you’re not even lying just to me, you’re lying to yourself. You’re fuckingscared. Youcanbe what I need.”

“Don’t you get it?!” My voice shakes as I look into his glossy eyes. “Youarewhat I need. I believe it. Fuck, everyone on this island probably believes it! But none of that matters if you don’t believe it yourself.” He sucks in a sharp breath, and I see tears forming in his eyes. I want to comfort him. I want to pull him close. I want to hold him until his fears have all washed out into the damn Caribbean and sink to the bottom, never to return.

But I can’t. It’s not fair to me, not fair to him.I need to go.

“Goodbye, Vladi,” I whisper as I turn and do the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Walk away.

My lungs struggle for air as I move farther and farther from the man I long for, the man Ilove. But I can’t be with someone who doesn’t forgive himself, doesn’t love himself, and isn’t sure he loves me.

Kara walks me back to the room before returning to the party.She tried to share her words of wisdom, telling me to give him a chance and let things cool off a bit.Blah blah blah.I have to get out of here. Now. We are all scheduled to fly back together tomorrow afternoon, but…Idon’t want to see him tomorrow. And if he can’t get his feelings figured out, I don’t know if I want to see him again ever.I pick up my phone and call the one person who might be able to help me in this kind of a situation.

“Maggie!” Her chipper voice is a welcome distraction from the dark haze surrounding my heart. “How’s the wedding week? I’m still so bummed I couldn’t come. Of course, guard dutyhadto be now and my CO wouldn’t let me get out of it.”

“We’ve missed you for sure this week, Kennedy. It’s been…interesting. Hey, you have a lot of pilot friends, right? Any way you could help me get a flight out of Punta Cana as soon as humanly possible?”

“Oh damn,” the worry is evident in her voice. “Seems like I missed a lot. You okay?”

My eyes burn. “No. No, I’m not okay.”

“Alright, let me make some calls and see what I can do, then I’m calling you right back to see what’s going on.”

Collapsing on the bed, I allow the sobs I’ve been holding back to finally escape. There’s no sound. No echoing heartbreak.I have to get home.Away from him. Away from the only man I’ve ever loved. Away from the one who doesn’t love me back.

47

vladi

“Wake up sunshine! Time for breakfast!!”

My head is fucking pounding and the chipper ass voice telling me to get up sets my teeth on edge.

I grunt, willing the darkness to claim me once more.

“Come on, Vladster,” he shakes my shoulder, trying to rouse me. “We gotta get up and pack before we go to breakfast so we can get back to Milwaukee for preseason workouts.”

Goddammit, I have a headache.After Maggie left last night, I drank. And drank. And then I drank some more.This is the one thing you’re allowed to do at weddings, yes?But now I feel like shit. Utter. Shit. And not just from the alcohol. My hangover is nothing compared to the stabbing pain gripping my chest over what I did to her.What I couldn’t do for her. I can’t bear to face her. I can’t take seeing her so sad, so angry. I can’t look her in the eye and tell her I don’t love her.I fucking do love her.I just don’t know that I should. And she was right. I’m scared. I’m scared of loving her. Scared of losing her. Scared of not being enough. The fear is engrained in me like it’s part of my DNA. The weight of that reality crushes mychest until I can barely breathe. I don’t know how tonotbe this way. How do you overcome the one fear you’ve had your entire life?

I bury my head in the pillow hoping he will leave. “I’m not going to breakfast, Bougie. Stop fucking talking and let me sleep.”

“No can do, my sweet goalie pie. Captain’s orders. Zack said if you’re not packed and downstairs for breakfast in fifteen minutes, I’m allowed to perform my favorite selection fromHigh School Musical 2. So…would you like to hearBet On It,Fabulous, orI Gotta Go My Own Way? Personally, with the golf course on property, I recommendBet On Itsince I can perform the song with full choreography.”

Geezus, this kid. “Fuck no. I’ll get up.”

“You sure? I have my karaoke tracks all cued up on my phone.”

“No,” I say, stumbling out of bed to throw my belongings in a bag and shower. Wait...this isn’t Bougie’s room.This is my room.

My gaze darts around the nearly empty,cleanspace, looking for any signs of her. My heart sinks. “Bougie, where the fuck is Maggie?”

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