Page 76 of Ice Block
I raise my brows because…wow. Here I am on the verge of tears hearing him apologize like this but also so turned on from him being demanding, I want a repeat of our janitor closet adventure. I don’t always like him telling me what to do, and I’m still not sure what the fuck is going on here, but him saying he’s sorryandtelling me to shut up has my thighs squeezing together.Focus, Maggie! Focus on the man apologizing to you, not his hotness.He needs to apologize.Focus.
I zip my lips, tucking the imaginary key in my purse.
“Good. As I was saying, I’m sorry for everything. I never should have left you that first night. But I wasn’t sure what was happening. You…you made me feel things I’ve never felt before. I wasn’t in the frame of mind to deal with what I was experiencing, even though I wanted something more with you after that first night.
“You were right. I was scared. I am still scared. But I’m realizingthat it’s okay to feel that way. I’m learning different ways to deal with this…tightness in my chest. I started seeing a therapist twice a week, and she’s taught me some techniques to stay calm. She taught me one where I find five things in the room I can see, four things I can touch, three things I can hear, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste. And some breathing exercises to help me when things get overwhelming.”
He’s going to therapy?My eyes burn as I lose the fight against them. Fuck these damn tears. I reach over to take his hand, relaxing into a touch I’ve wanted for so long.I’m so damn proud of him.
“I also want to apologize for a few more things. I’m sorry for not reaching out to you these past few weeks. I should have never let you walk away. But you told me to figure out what caring for you meant. Amy, my therapist, told me you were right. I needed to figure it out and I needed time to do that.”
I lift my chin. “I kinda like her saying I was right.”
He chuckles, my heart soaring at the sound it’s longed to hear again. “Don’t get used to it.” He squeezes my fingers. “You would like her for sure. She doesn’t let me take the easy way out. Kind of like you.”
I look down at our clasped hands as I bite the inside of my cheek.
“I also realized that, while I needed to work on some things on my own, I don’t need to be such a lone wolf all the time. So, I am here to ask for your help. You’ve helped me see things in a different light, helped me find the joy that’s been missing for a long time. And I miss that. I missyou.And, if you’d like to,” he pauses, swallowing hard, “I want to do this together. With you.”
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
“I also have one more thing I need to apologize to you for.”
A watery laugh bursts from me. “And what would that be? Stealinganotherpair of my panties?”
He laughs as he shakes his head. “No. I’m not sorry about that at all,” he says as he scoots closer, our hands still clasped between us, his thumb gently rubbing across my skin. “You said something that night at the resort, and it hasn’t left my mind since. You said you couldn’t be with someone you were in love with if they didn’t let you live your own life.”
My heart drops, my gaze sliding to the floor. The weight of those three words I let fly so recklessly have weighed me down like a lead balloon. I fuckingknewI should not have said that.I should take it back.
“Vladi, I didn’t mean to?—”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say it back,” he interrupts. My eyes fly to his and I swallow hard, my throat bone dry.Breathe, Maggie, fucking breathe.“I’m sorry I didn’t chase you down and tell you then. I’m sorry for every day since then I haven’t said it back.”
I freeze, paralyzed by what I think he’s about to say. He squeezes my hand as I stare back into his eyes, a sparkle there that I haven’t seen before.
“I love you, Magdalina James. I have for a long time. I just didn’t know it. I didn’t know what love meant. I didn’t want to admit to myself I felt that way about someone. Everyone I’ve ever loved has left me. My mother. My father. The boy I was all those years ago. I was scared that I was cursed. That if I loved you, I would lose you. I am still scared of not being able to protect you. But, I’d rather have you in my life for as long as we have each other, than live with the heartache of not having you at all.
“I’m in love with you, and I will spend every last day trying to be a better man, trying to be the man you need me to be, and simply enjoying every moment we have together. I still have a lot of work to do, and I know you won’t give me much slack on it, but somehow you found a way to breakthrough the walls I built up, and you…you didn’t let go. You didn’t stop. You showed me that love is not about being afraid of losing the person you hold dear, it’s about living every day to the fullest with them. Enjoying every moment. Existing in the present and not worrying about the future.”
Well, now I’m ugly crying. Goddammit, Melissa.
“You love me, Wolfie?” I whisper through my tears.
“I’ve always loved you,lisichka. I knew it from the moment we talked at that damn gala. I love your fight, your confidence, the way you don’t put up with shit from me or anyone else. You are my little fox, in more ways than one, and I care for you. More than I thought possible. But it’s more than that. Iloveyou. And I hope you’ll find it in your stubborn, feisty heart to forgive me and that maybe…you still love me too.”
52
vladi
Breathe in. Breathe out. Inhale. Exhale.I focus on my breathing as the fear creeps in. I’m hopeful she still loves me back, but the fear of her walking away is real after all I’ve done.I’ve not treated her like she deserved to be treated. She deserves everything. Someone who can be there for her, encourage her, care for her. Someone not crippled by their own fears.
I let her down. More than once.
I breathe in and out again, wiping a tear from her cheek. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever see this woman cry, and for some reason, I seem to be the cause of all her tears, good and bad. But I’m vowing, right now, there will be no more sad tears because of me. Only happy tears about me from now on. I swallow heavily.I hope these are happy tears.
She looks up at me, her tear-stained cheeks flushed. “I mean…I guess…Ikindalove you too.”
I flinch in surprise. “What do you mean youkindalove me?”
