Page 64 of Ice Block

“No. He tried, but…I fought, Vladi. I fought and fought to get away. I have two older brothers; they would wrestle all the time, and I’d join in. I even won sometimes, so I know how to take care of myself. It wasn’t until he banged my head against the wall that I was scared.” I palm his cheek, trying to soothe the worry I see in the crinkles around his lips. “But you found me. You took care of me. You saved me.”

He shakes his head, still trying to take the blame for all of this. “I never should have let you get into that position. I never should have allowed you to go off by yourself, even for a moment. But I never took my eyes off that bathroom door. The minute I saw you go the other way, I knew something was wrong. Ask Larsy. I got up without saying a word. I raced across the dance floor, and saw him, saw you, and I don’t…I don’t remember much after that.” His shaky voice trails off, his tone deepening with every word. “The pain in my hand tells me enough about what I did, and Zack filled mein on the rest. I’m so sorry you had to see me like that. I…” he looks down at the floor, looking for words he can’t find. “I thought you were…I didn’t want to lose another-”

Another tear stains my cheek at the sight of his vulnerability, at the knowing of what he’s going through. “Stop. You can’t be with me every minute of every day, just like I can’t do the same for you. Do you know how worried I was when they took you tonight? I thought I might lose you too.” I swallow hard, trying to keep myself at least slightly composed. “Tonight was…well, tonight was fucking bad. But we have to live our lives. What if you were in a plane crash, or I had a heart attack or you got eaten by an alligator?”

He snorts, my joke lightening the heavy blanket resting over us just a tad. “An alligator? If I die getting eaten by an alligator, then I deserve it. I could never be defeated by something as pathetic as a gator.”

I can’t help the laugh that escapes me. “I’m not going to argue with you on that,” I say with a weak smile and a big yawn.

“Magdalina, this night was not what either of us wanted,” he admits softly, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “Why don’t we get some sleep? We can talk about all this tomorrow. Besides, we have a wedding and a bride and groom to spoil tomorrow. Yes?”

I know there is a lot more to dissect, a lot more to admit to ourselves, but the relief of us both being here calms my mind for the moment, my eyelids heavy.A good night’s sleep has been more than earned after this shit-show of a day.

“We do.” I take a step toward the bed, looking over my shoulder. “I could use some sleep, cuddled up next to a big wolf, if that’s okay?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

41

vladi

“Vladi, it’s time,” a familiar female voice says, extending her hand and gesturing to the beach ceremony ahead. Rows of chairs create a narrow aisle of sand leading right out to the water. My eyes narrow with confusion as I notice that the altar from yesterday’s ridiculous rehearsal is gone. In its place is a trail of flowers leading up a long ramp onto a boat.Did they move the ceremony onto a yacht?I proceed to walk along the marked path, hesitantly boarding the vessel. Larsy stands smiling, waiting for his bride to meet him here, as I take my place next to him. Glancing back down the aisle, I realize everyone is here, waiting patiently in their seats; all my teammates, Walt and Johnny, Kristi, and a familiar woman hidden behind a black veil and holding Kristi’s hand. She has long, flowing hair and eyes that sparkle like the sun through the gauzy fabric. I squint, trying to see better.I know her.My heart pounds – something is wrong.

The music begins to play, and the bridesmaids walk down the aisle, knocking the wind from my chest, as always, at the sight of her.My Magdalina.The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I lookaround again, the same confusion bubbling up once more.Why is she the only one wearing a life vest?My chest tightens. My throat closes, and breaths are hard to find.What the fuck is going on?She takes her place up near the altar as the minister comes into view. But it’s not the minister. My nails dig into my palms. It’s the motherfucking Captain. My fists curl at my sides, shaking with rage as I see him, bloody and mangled and smiling. And he’s looking atmyMagdalina. He walks to her and begins to unclip her life jacket. His hands graze her skin as he pulls the vest off. My blood boils. My muscles tense. I try to scream, but my throat is so dry I can’t even whisper. My legs are frozen. I try again to scream for help, I try to get Larsy’s attention, but he’s just smiling as Olivia walks down the aisle.Can anyone help me?!

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the woman in black with a different man helping her put on a life vest. She’s reaching out to me as well. “Be brave, my little star. Be brave and help her.” Again, I try to scream, but my lungs have no air. I can’t breathe. I can’t move. My legs are stuck.I’mstuck. I look back to see Carlos grabbing Maggie, her hands clawing out for me, but I can’t get to her. I can’t help her. Her face is pale, her eyes pleading for help, my name on her tongue at the top of her lungs, but I can’t move.

“Vladi!” She cries my name over and over again. “Vladi!” Again and again. “Vladi…wake up!”

My eyes snap open. Sweat clings to my skin. The ceiling swirls above. I gasp for air.Where is she? Where is Magdalina?

I flinch as a soothing hand touches my chest, snapping my head to the side. I finally exhale seeing her here. Safe.Safe with me.

“Vladi, it’s okay. It’s me. I’m right here.” Maggie says hoarsely with horror in her eyes. “You were screaming my name. Are you okay?”

My heart races, my mind is still half-caught up in the terror.Itwasn’t real. “Yeah. Shit. I’m fine,” I say, pulling her close. “It was just a dream.”

“Adream? That sounded more like a fucking nightmare, Vladi. You were thrashing and screaming.” She leans back, her eyes scanning me like she’s checking for wounds. “What were you dreaming about?”

I draw her in again, needing her warmth to drive away the coldness of my past. My mind scrambles to try and find the words, but all I can see is her panic and fear as Carlos drags her away. I don’t want to make her feel bad. I don’t want her knowing how much worry I have for her. I also don’t want to lie. Never to her.

“I just…I have nightmares sometimes. About my mother.”

“Shit, Vladi; I’m so sorry,” she says, her voice trembling. “Yesterday…everything that happened, I’m sure this is all triggering to you.”

She has no idea.My mother is gone, and the pain and shame I have about that will never fully disappear. I can’t save her anymore. But I can do everything in my power to protect the woman here with me.I wish she had listened to me.I wish she had let me do such a simple thing as escorting her to use the ladies’ room, but it’s not her fault. It’s that fucking boat captain’s. Do I regret what happened to him? Not a goddamn bit. But I do regret everyone seeing it happen. Seeing me lose control. Seeing the pain I’ve worked so hard to hide come into view. I regret making her worry about me. But I willneverregret keeping her safe. And yet…I don’t want her to feel any worse about yesterday than she already does. So, I do what I’ve always done. Bury it deep down where no one can see.

“Shhh…it’s okay,lisichka,” I say, continuing to hold her against my chest, feeling her body tense. “I’m alright. This is not your fault. None of this is your fault.”

She pulls back, her brows narrowed, giving me a look that tellsme she sees right through my little farce. I take a deep breath, still calming myself down. I will face this like I do on the ice. I stay calm. I stay ready. I will have eyes on her today, tomorrow, and every minute I possibly can. I will not let her out of my sight unless I know she is safe.

“I know you’re not telling me the truth. I know you’re holding something back. Iknowyou’re not okay.” I wince at her words, a knot forming in my stomach.How can she see me so clearly?“But, as much as I’d like to grill you on it and use my body to force you to confess, we do have a wedding to get ready for.”

As much as this woman irritates me, she does know how to lighten the mood with her humor. And it’s honestly a welcome distraction.

“Yes, we do. Come, let’s get ready to celebrate our friends as they get married. Again.”

42

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