Page 44 of Ice Block

EJ raises his chin, tilting his head to the side with a wicked smirk. “So, we’re helping her with party planning now? Got it.”

I crack my knuckles, swirling the vodka in my glass. “Can we not talk about this all night, please?”

Zack puts a hand on my shoulder. “Sure thing, Vladi. We can stop talking about it when you stop attacking every person with a penis who looks her way, like the boat captain earlier. Hell, evenI’mscared to look in her direction this week. What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing. She just…she got under my skin. I apologized to her. Consider this my apology to all of you for my actions. I overreacted. Besides, we are here to celebrate Larsy, not grill me about Maggie James. So…let’s all raise our glasses to the groom!”

The guys erupt with cheers, allowing me to successfully escape that conversation.Thank God.

“That’s right, Vladi,” Bougie stands from his seat, “And I have prepared a toast for Larsy.”

“No one asked you to do that.”

“I know, right? That’s why I’m so amazing…always prepared!”

I roll my eyes as EJ leans over to whisper, “I don’t know why, but I’m scared.”

I touch my glass to his. “You and me both.”

Bougie pulls out his phone as he looks around the room with unwavering confidence. “Larsy, I’ve written a poem for you titled: Bougie’s Bachelor Party Poem.”

I shake my head, not having any clue how truly bad this is going to be but preparing for the worst. Larsy sits next to me, the blood draining from his face as if on the verge of passing out.

Bougie clears his throat and begins to read…

’Twas the night to celebrate Larsy

And we’re here at your bachelor party

You found yourself a super hot wife

One woman for you for the rest of your life

No more random hookups with chicks

No more puck bunnies to suck on your dick

Together forever and ever you’ll be

So make sure you keep your new wife happy

Now here’s my advice, no sarcasm

To help your dear wife reach orgasm

Each night you should lick along her slit

‘Till you finally reach her swollen clit

Larsy’s face is a deep shade of purple, his fuming anger manifesting in his fists. I place my arm on his chest, holding him back from murdering our defensemen, as Bougie continues.

Then like a tornado, your tongue you should swirl

And she’ll scream your name like a very good girl

While most of us are all still on our quest

To find our own woman with big tits on her chest

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