Page 38 of Pope's Penance

WhenPopeaskedmeearlier if he could take the kids to the clubhouse, terror surges at the thought of them being so far away from me.I gave an automatic ‘no’ without truly thinking his request through.While Pope respected my decision, I could see the way it angered him, which only scared me more.

Trusting everyone in Coral Cay was proving more challenging than I assumed it would be.My head knows I can, otherwise, I wouldn’t have run straight for home when I left Frankie.It’s my heart I’m in a fierce battle with.It urges me to continue shielding myself from the hurt that these people can cause.

“Come on, Mama.Come swing with me,” Lovelyn pleads, holding out her hand.

With a smile, I place mine in hers and climb to my feet to follow her outside.Legend has been in his room since Pope left, playing the game system he’d got him, so my girl is feeling lonely.

Lovelyn drags me to the swing set before releasing my hand to climb onto the swing.Once she’s secure, I move behind her and give her a gentle nudge to get her moving.

“Hey, Mama?”

“Yes, my little Love?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, sweetheart.I’m okay.”

The quiet grows between us as I push her on the swing.I can feel the way her brain works hard to get her thoughts in order, so I wait patiently, just enjoying the serenity that being with my daughter brings me.

“Are you happy?”

My hand freezes as her question hits me.Neither of my kids has ever asked that, so it catches me off guard.

How long has it been since someone has asked me that?

Valkyrie asked the day I married Frankie, but that’s the last time I remember being asked.I didn’t lie to her when I told her I was.I agreed to marry Frankie because he made each day a bit more bearable.He made me smile and laugh.He never made the pain of losing Pope and the rest of my family disappear, but he made it easier to accept.The Frankie I married isn’t the Frankie I ended up married to, though.

“You and your brother make me super happy,” I answer her in the only truthful way I can.

“I know that, Mama.That’s not what I’m asking.”

“How about this?Outside of you and your brother, no, I’m not.But I promise, I will be.”

Lovelyn stops the swing and looks over her shoulder at me.“That’s good because you deserve to be happy, Mama.”

“How did I get so lucky to be blessed with you and Legend?”

“Because you’re just as special as we are.”

Legend finally joins us outside, and we gear up for a game of tag.I chase the two of them around the yard, laughing at their squeals when I nearly catch them.They take off again, their little legs carrying them away when the rumble of a bike comes down the road.I gather them to me quickly and hurry back inside, just in case it’s someone who shouldn’t be here.

Then that rumble becomes familiar, and I can’t help that sliver of giddiness that runs through me, though I don’t want it to.

“It’s okay.It’s just your dad,” I tell them, running my hands over the top of their heads.

Opening the door, we step out on the porch to greet him, but happiness rushes through me when I see Valkyrie and Manic pull in right behind him.I haven’t seen my sister since the day Manic threw her over his shoulder to cart her out of here.

“Your sister needed to see that you weren’t being held against your will.I’ll take the kids out to play while you all have a visit,” Pope says in a hard voice.

I want to check on him, to get a feel for where his head’s at, but now isn’t the time, and honestly, I don’t even know how to broach the subject.

Everything is so different between us now.Even though he doesn’t express it often, he’s angry at me for keeping the twins from him.It’s pretty ironic since the last I recall, he wanted nothing to do with us.When I called the clubhouse to tell him, I was told he didn’t care and to get rid of them.

It’s bigger than just his anger.I still carry deep scars from his betrayal.

Thankfully, we’ve been able to co-parent successfully despite the powerful emotions we still feel toward one another.He’s great with the kids, and they adore him.It didn’t take long for them to warm up to Pope.Now, it’s constantly ‘dad this’ and ‘dad that’.I’m not jealous, but it leaves the bitter taste of resentment in my mouth.

Where was he when I could barely put on my shoes?What about when I had the panic attack because I thought I was going into labor at only five months?Where was he when Ididgo into preterm labor at thirty-four weeks?It was scary.They tried to slow it down with magnesium, but I wasn’t dilating fast enough.When they realized I wouldn’t dilate past six centimeters, they pulled me in for a c-section.Where was Pope when the twins spent twenty days in the NICU?

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