I’m out of the car and heading to her before I can stop myself. It takes Samson leaping from my arms and breaking my stride so I don’t trip over him, for me to pause.
Courtney hugs her tote tighter to her chest when her eyes meet mine. Watery. Red-tinged.
There’s none of her usual fire and sass. No smile. No eye roll.
Court falls into a crouch, catching Samson in her arms and letting him lather her face in doggie kisses. Kisses that wrench at the organs in my chest. Kisses that make me…jealous. Of a dog. A puppy I bought for her.
That thought eases the vice around my lungs. It almost pulls a smile out of me when she stands, hugging the wriggling fool to her chest like her next breath completely depends on him. As if her world has been made better by him—byme. Because he’s mine. My ode to the fucking madness she’s brought into my life. The constant need and craving to be around her. To have her.
Samson lets out a little yip as she walks up to me. My hands throb with the necessity to hold her. To bring her into me so that I can shelter her from the grey clouds dulling her summer sky gaze.
I don’t touch her, though. If there ever was a time to respect boundaries, this is it.
Instead, I walk beside her to the passenger side of my car and open the door for her. In silence. Everything in a suffocating silence I hate because it’s not the beautiful, fiery woman I know. The spitfire that teases me at every given chance. This is a side of Courtney that’s completely withdrawn. Solitary.Sad.
Courtney climbs inside, still cuddling our boy while he licks her chin and nose and cheeks, eager and sloppy.
Instantly, she buries her face in his soft fur, blinking fast. Her shoulders are tight. Drawn.
Whatever the fuck is wrong is making me sick to my stomach. Almost as much as not being able to make her feel better.
Ignoring the all body groan when I step back and shut her door, I walk round to my side and get in.
The air inside the cab is thick. Heavy. Loaded with all the things I want to say, all the questions burning to be asked.
Courtney’s scent wraps around me the second I settle in—warm and soft, with a darker edge underneath.
It hits my tongue, my chest… some part of me that’s ready to fucking destroy the whole goddamn world for her.
Gripping the steering wheel so hard it creaks, I drive away from the facility. The silence gnawing at me every second of the way.
Halfway home, Courtney shifts Samson higher on her chest. He licks at her cheek, and when she tilts her face away, the streetlights catch it—the glimmer of a tear.
Fuck.
My stomach drops.
I want to pull over.
I want to demand she tell me what’s wrong.
I want to kiss the sadness off her face.
But I can’t.
I’m not allowed to want that.
Not with her.
Not when she’s already made it clear that we’rejust friends. And…
Friends don’t touch.
Friends don’t want.
Friends don’t fucking ache.
Fuck. Fuck…Fuck this!Fuck the friend zone. Fuck boundaries.