When she came back with the camera, she adjusted the way he stood and barked ‘chin down!’ before taking the shot. They lay on the bed watching the bleached-out, ghostly image appear. When it did, it looked like an album cover.
‘See?’ she said. ‘You look like a rock star.’
She pulled him in for a kiss.
‘You don’t smell like one, though,’ she said. ‘Take it off!’
He didn’t need to be told twice.
This wasn’t how he imagined spending the last few days before leaving to go on tour. He’d imagined spending them with Emily. Specifically,in bedwith Emily, but he was spending every waking hour – and some he should be sleeping – in a deconsecrated church in Islington. The record company decided at the last minute to cut an EP before they left for America. Apparently, it was possible to record four songs in five days but, having never set foot in a proper recording studio before, Will was sceptical. Thank God he’d moved out of the flat with Alan and stored his stuff in his parents’ garage. He was already packed and living out of a suitcase at Emily’s. The sooner he got the tracks down, the sooner he could get back to her, but the sessions didn’t go well. He could barely stay awake at the end of each long day. The producer was a condescending wanker who didn’t hide his frustration with their inexperience. His attitude only improved when they recorded Will’s vocals, and he realised it wasn’t a complete waste of time. The last day was the longest – they finished the last track at 1 a.m.
Emily had turned out the light to go to sleep but lay awake in the dark. She’d left her key in the usual spot under a rock in the flower bed by the front door. At last, she heard it turning in the lock and Will closing the door behind himself.
Opening her bedroom door, he whispered, ‘Milly?’
‘I’m awake.’ She switched on the bedside light.
He gave her a kiss and sat on the bed beside her.
‘How does it sound?’ she asked.
‘Brilliant. I’d play it to you, but if I hear it one more time, I’ll scream. I’ll leave a tape for you to listen to… tomorrow.’ He didn’t sayafter I’ve gone. ‘I need a shower.’
When he got back from the bathroom, he slipped into the bed, his body still a little wet.
That last time was slow, how she liked it. Damp and a little sad, the occasional icy drip from his hair surprisingly pleasurable.
She expected him to fall straight to sleep afterwards – he must have been exhausted, but she could tell he was awake from his breathing.
‘You could fly out and meet us at some point,’ he suggested after a while.
‘Maybe at the end of term.’ She was reluctant to make plans. He might change his mind once he was on tour.
‘When’s that?’
‘End of June. Where will you be then?’
‘I don’t know. I’ll find out and get tickets organised.’
They lay in silence.
‘I don’t want you to be sad about leaving,’ she said. ‘I want you to be excited about this adventure.’
‘I am.’
‘Good. Let’s get some sleep.’
She turned on her side and it was a little while before he curled his body behind hers as he usually did.
Would this be the last time they shared a bed? Would she ever see him again? She wasn’t being dramatic – it wasa distinct possibility. His life was changing, and she wasn’t sure there would be a place for her in it. And he would be different – she might not like the person he became.
She didn’t want him to make promises he couldn’t keep. Over the last few weeks, every time she thought he might say something he would later regret, she changed the subject. She knew it was pissing him off. He thought she was indifferent to him leaving, but she couldn’t help it. It was a kind of survival mechanism.
She was still awake when the birds started singing and she knew he was, too.
A car came for him early. A ‘car’ being a cab you didn’t have to call or pay for. Something he was already getting used to. They had agreed she wouldn’t go to the airport. He took his suitcase down to the car and she sat on the bed, waiting for him to come back up to say goodbye.
He was gone for ages. She thought maybe he’d left without saying goodbye because it was too hard or because he thought she didn’t care, but at last he came back in.