‘Stop talking.’
He eyes me like I’m a bomb about to go off.
Tears blur my vision, and the streetlights become crazy starbursts.
‘I fucked up…’ he says.
I can’t look at him. I stare into the distance.
‘You can’t forgive me, can you?’
I drag my gaze back to his face. His eyes are glassy, but my heart is a stone, cold and heavy in my chest.
‘Why should you when I can’t forgive myself?’ he continues.
I can only whisper this time, ‘Stop talking.’
He closes his mouth, but his eyes keep pleading with me.
‘Did he die?’ My voice is barely audible.
‘Sorry?’
‘Did Reu die?’
‘I don’t know, I’m sorry.’ He hangs his head.
‘I’m going for a walk.’
He steps towards me but stops short of touching me. ‘You can’t walk around a strange city on your own at night. It’s not safe…’ He fumbles in his pocket, pulls out his wallet, and throws some notes on the table.
‘I want to be alone.’ My voice sounds alien, distant.
I walk away.
Scott follows. ‘Em, please…’
I whip around to face him. ‘What? What do you want from me?’ My voice echoes off the quirky architecture and I feel the eyes of the hundreds of people along the waterside.
‘I know you want to be alone, but please let me follow. I’ll give you space. I just need to know you’re okay.’
‘Do what you want. I don’t care.’
I walk.
I weave through the tourists on the canal side, my mind racing. What happened to Reu? I stop, pull out my phone and google ‘Will Bailey’s drummer’. I’m blocking the path, so I step to one side. The signal is terrible. Scott loiters in my peripheral vision. As the page loads, a blue line crawls across the top of the screen.
Chapter 78
July 2016
Liv
As soon as I knew Mum and Dad were going away, I arranged to visit the Baileys’ house. I’ve missed working on the archive, but once I get stuck in, it’s as if I haven’t been away. I find a box of CDs in one of the flight cases and I’m photographing them, and creating a Spotify playlist, when I hear voices coming from Mary’s kitchen.
He must be here.
Then I hear a baby crying – it’s someone else. I go back to my work, but a few minutes later, the door from the kitchen opens.