Page 160 of When We Were Young

‘There is no “we”,’ she muttered. ‘I can’t be with anyone. It wouldn’t work. I can’t be in a relationship.’

‘You can’t be in a relationship, but you’re ready to be a mother?’

She didn’t hesitate. ‘Yes!’

‘That doesn’t make sense.’

‘It does to me. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me.’

‘Can we at least try?’

She wrapped both hands around her mug and stared into it like she’d find the answers in there. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘You won’t hurt me. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. We should at least try.’

‘No…’

‘For the baby. Doesn’t the baby deserve a mumanda dad?’

‘I can’t…’

‘What about later? When you’re ready? You’ve been through so much; you need time…’

She raised her eyes to his. ‘I can’t promise you I’ll ever be ready.’

He sat down, his mind racing. He covered his face with his hands. Jesus, he would do anything.

He let his hands slip down.

‘Well, it’s my kid too,’ he sighed. ‘I want to be involved. It’s my job to provide for it… and its mum.’

‘You don’t have to do that. This is my fault and my decision.’

‘I could have used a condom––’

‘Listen, you can’t be part of this child’s life, then walk out years later when you meet someone or want to have a family. If you’re in it, you need to be in it forever or not at all.’

‘I agree. I want to be a good dad.’

‘Take some time to think about it properly and we’ll talk again.’ She stood up to go. She hadn’t even touched her tea.

‘I won’t change my mind.’ He followed her to the hall.

Her hand was on the door handle, but she turned back to say, ‘It’s okay to change your mind.’ Her eyes were kind. ‘Forever is a long time, Scott.’

Scott wanted to call Emily that night, but she’d only say he hadn’t thought about it properly. He waited two days. Her dad answered the phone and this time he was allowed to talk to her.

‘Do they know?’ he asked when she came to the phone.

‘What?’

‘Do your parents know you’re pregnant?’

‘Yes.’

‘Do they know it’s mine?’

‘No. But they have their suspicions.’