Page 159 of When We Were Young

He put the kettle on as she sat at the little table.

‘Thanks for seeing me.’

‘No worries. It’s good to see you. Did your parents tell you I called? Quite a few times, actually.’

‘Yeah, sorry. It’s been…’ She didn’t elaborate, but he nodded as though he understood.

The obvious thing to say would be ‘how are you?’ but he couldn’t bring himself to ask. He didn’t want to hear the answer, so he made the tea in silence. He put the two mugs on the table and sat opposite her.

She took a deep breath and said, ‘I’m pregnant.’

It was like a slap across the face.

She must have seen the question in his eyes. ‘It’s yours,’ she said sincerely. ‘I want you to know that there’s no doubt about that.’

He’d always dreaded hearing those words and now they’d come out of her mouth, they were as terrible as he’d feared. ‘I assumed you were…’ he began, his heart thundering.

‘I was on the pill,’ she said. ‘But I was drinking a lot, I threw up a couple of times that week. It was stupid of me. I should have known it might not work.’

Sweat sprang up on his palms and top lip. His mouth went dry.

‘I’m keeping it,’ she said. Another slap in his face.

‘What about Amsterdam?’

‘I turned it down before I found out I was pregnant.’ Her voice was flat. ‘You don’t need to be involved,’ she continued, business-like. ‘I want nothing from you. No one needs to know it’s yours. I thought you should know.’

Her words stung. Actually, they pissed him off. ‘Hang on a minute,’ he said. ‘What about whatIwant?’

‘It’s my body, Scott. I don’t want an abortion.’ She started to cry, great big tears, her gaunt face pulled into a grimace.

‘No…’ He went to her and pulled her up into his arms. ‘That’s not what I meant. I meant we could do this together.’

She drew back to look at him. She wiped her face with her hands, and that determined look was back.

‘That wouldn’t be fair on you.’

‘It’s mine, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, but…’

‘But what?’

‘I’d only make you unhappy.’

‘What makes you think that?’

‘Because I make people unhappy. BecauseI’munhappy. Because you’re twenty-four and this isn’t what you want.’

‘I’ll be the judge of what I want.’

‘You don’t want a baby, Scott.’

‘I don’t want a baby, but I want you.’ He let the words hang there for a moment, exposing his soul. ‘And if you want a baby, then… we can do this.’

She sat down, shaking her head.

‘What?’ he asked.