Page 150 of When We Were Young

A long, low wail filled the room. Emily had no idea where it was coming from, but then it hit her – she was the source of the appalling sound.

‘I’m sorry, Emily.’

‘Sorry. Why are you sorry?’ She stepped towards Matty. ‘Did you push him?’

Emily shoved him in the chest, and he stumbled backwards, the chair squeaking against the lino.

‘No––’

‘Were you there?’

‘No, I wasn’t—’

‘Why weren’t you there?’ She pounded her fists into his chest. ‘Why didn’t you stop him?’

Matty stood firm against the force of her blows, his arms rigid against his body. Miranda came up behind her, gently taking her by the shoulders. Emily shrugged her off.

‘Did he leave a note?’

‘Nobody’s found one yet.’

Her blood roared in her ears. ‘I want to see him.’

‘That’s not a good idea…’

‘Why not?’ Her voice trembled.

‘Mary and Michael… they’re upset… it would make things worse.’

‘They think it’s my fault! They think I drove him to it.’

‘It’s nobody’s fault…’

‘I need to see him!’

Everything tilted, shifted, and slid and her knees slammed into the floor.

A colossal crack opened up inside her and spread across everything, tiny fissures shooting from it in all directions, breaking and snapping as it separated this moment from everything that had gone before.

Chapter 71

July 2016

Emily

‘I found something,’ Liv’s eyes are shining. ‘In the Baileys’ garage.’

‘What?’ My heart’s beating double time.

‘I found a cassette; it had a date written on it – the 28th of July 1999. It was his last ever song.’

Her words knock the wind out of me.

‘Do you want to hear it?’ she asks.

‘I can’t…’

‘If it’s difficult for you to listen to his music, I could send it to your phone – you can listen by yourself, when you’re ready.’