‘How long does it take to get over someone?’ asked Emily.
‘Five minutes when they’ve spent the night with Christie Blackmore.’ Miranda bit into her kebab.
‘Fair point,’ said Emily. It still stung, but she was getting used to the idea now. Whenever she wanted to call Will, she thought about the two of them together, and it strengthened her resolve. ‘What do you think they did?’ she asked, poking the wound. ‘He said he didn’t touch her, and they didn’t kiss.’
‘Hand job?’ suggested Miranda.
‘Nah, blow job,’ said Scott.
Emily dropped her kebab onto its paper wrapper. No, she wasn’t ready to hear that. ‘How long did it take you to get over Gemma?’ she asked Miranda.
‘I dunno, couple of months? But we hadn’t been together as long as you.’
‘How long were you together?’ Scott asked Emily.
‘Three and a half years.’
They ate in silence for a minute.
‘I tell you what helped,’ said Miranda. ‘Shagging someone else.’
Emily laughed. Scott lifted his eyebrows.
‘Seriously, it helps! Especially if you’ve been cheated on. It’s like revenge or levelling the score or whatever. That night with – jeez I don’t even remember her name – was like therapy.’
‘You had a one-night stand after Gemma? You never told me!’
‘A girl doesn’t kiss and tell.’
‘Never stopped you before,’ said Scott.
Emily picked a slice of cucumber from her kebab. ‘I don’t think I could do that.’
‘You need to be more like Scott,’ Miranda joked. ‘Just don’t get emotionally attached.’
‘Hey!’ Scott pretended to be offended.
‘He doesn’t understand heartbreak,’ Miranda told Emily as if he wasn’t there. ‘I bet he’s never even been in love.’
Emily and Miranda looked to Scott for confirmation. ‘What?!’ he cried. ‘I’ve been in love. Of course I’ve been in love. I’m twenty-four.’
‘Oh yeah?’ teased Miranda. ‘With who?’
Scott’s ears went pink. ‘I…’
‘Name one person.’ Miranda gave Emily a knowing look and drummed her fingers on the table as Scott floundered.
‘Okay, okay.’ Scott raised his palms in defeat. ‘I have a heart of ice.’
They stayed up for one more drink before heading off to bed. Emily’s mind wandered to Will, as it often did when she had nothing else to think about. What had he said in those now-deleted messages? She longed to hear his voice but was ashamed to admit it in front of her flatmates. She missed Will now more than she ever had when he was away on tour. All evening, she had been trying to get a minute alone, maybe have a little cry, but Miranda was there whenever she went to the loo, banging on the cubicle door, yelling for her to hurry up. Maybe it was the vodka muddling her thoughts, but she wasn’t sure she’d made the right decision at all. It hurt too much.
The more she thought about the whole Christie Blackmore thing, the more she thought she could understand what happened. It was true – their situation was unique; most normal relationships didn’t have to survive the temptation of groupies every night. And he had shown restraint holding out as long as he did. Could she have done the same? Lonely, far from home, with it being offered on a plate, no strings attached? Maybe not.
But the thing that made her feel worse. The thing that kept her awake every night since the split was the decision she had made on the drive to Wales. With the windscreen wipers swiping back and forth, she’d planned what she would say. She practised saying it aloud over and over throughout the journey. Those words echoed in her mind now. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s time I followed my dreams, not yours. If I don’t do this now, I’ll regret it forever.’ But she hadn’t needed those words after all, because Will had made it easy for her. And she couldn’t sleep knowing how he must be suffering, thinking it was all his fault. She was plagued by that last image of him as she drove away, the pained look, the way his arms dropped to his sides.
But what’s done is done. Emily needed to draw a line under it once and for all. She took a deep breath, threw off the covers, and jumped out of bed.
Chapter 58