Page 61 of The Allotment on Willow Tree Lane

‘You?’

‘Why not? I can play your stuff almost as well as Aiden.’

‘I don’t doubt it.’

‘Let me help you and Luke finish the album. When you see how good I am—’

‘Iknowhow good you are. Your vocals are amazing, but… I’m done.’ He hadn’t known he was going to say those words until they were out of his mouth, but as soon as he’d uttered them he realised it was true.

He didn’t want to be in the band without Aiden. That part of his life was over.

The problem was, he didn’t have a clue what he was going to do instead, because the only thing he wanted to do, the only thing he knew anything about was making music.

Sadie eyed Damon with caution as he wandered into the kitchen the following morning. He was surprised to see her up and dressed this early.

‘Coffee?’ He flicked the machine on.

‘Yes, please.’ She took a seat at the scrubbed pine table and began to fiddle with one of the placemats.

‘Spit it out,’ he instructed. It was obvious she had something on her mind.

‘Are you still serious about leaving the band?’ she asked.

‘I am.’

‘Have you really thought about it?’

‘I’ve been awake all night thinking about it, and I haven’t changed my mind.’

‘But you’ve put your heart and soul into the band! You all have.’

He leant against the countertop. ‘I can’t do it anymore. Or to be more accurate, I don’twantto do it anymore.’ It was ironic to think that he’d been battling his panic attacks ever since Aiden had died, fearing that he wouldn’t be able to perform again, yet now that he possibly had the means to control them, he’d discovered that he didn’t have the heart for it anymore. Maybe his subconscious had already known, and the panic attacks had been his body’s way of showing him.

Sadie got to her feet and walked across the kitchen to put her arms around him. With her face in his chest, she asked in a muffled voice, ‘What are you going to do?’

He knew he could never give up music. How could he, when it was as essential to him as the breath that filled his lungs? It was part of him, in the same way that working the soil had been part of his gran, and the same way that sifting through the earth to search for buried clues to the past was part of his parents.

‘I’m going to write music,’ he said, and he was abruptly filled with the certainty that he was doing the right thing.

Both Luke and Aiden had known that he loved his music more than he loved the lifestyle that went with it – everything else had merely been a by-product. He didn’t miss the hype in the slightest, and from now on if he could get his music fix by writing instead of performing, that was all he wanted.

Actually, he wasn’t being completely truthful, because therewassomething else he wanted. Ceri.

Sadie gave him a squeeze then released him, and Damon reached for his phone, turning it over in his hands. He now knew exactly how he wanted the next few years of his career to pan out, but he wasn’t sure how well the news would be received.

Frank, he suspected, would be less than happy; he would probably be aghast.

Damon blew out his cheeks and brought the phone to life. He wouldn’t say anything to Frank just yet – it was only fair that he spoke to Luke first.

Luke sounded upbeat when he answered the call. ‘Damon, my man! Is rural Wales getting you down yet?’

‘Not yet. Um, Luke, I need to speak to you about something important. I… er… want to quit the band.’

Silence.

‘Luke, did you hear what I said?’

‘I heard.’ There was a long pause, and Damon prayed his friend could forgive him. But when Luke finally said, ‘I’m glad, mate, because I’ve been thinking the same. I’ve been like… derailed, you know?’ Damon sighed with relief.

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