Page 6 of The Pretender

“Tsk.Tsk. Those rippled hills of ab muscles won’t save you, my little friend.”

I watch as the drop of water trails the length of Sebastian’s chest, dripping down to his belly button. “Ah shit, wrong turn. Now, you’ll die a slow death in those stupid yellow shorts of his.”

The drop of water absorbs into the fabric of his waistband and disappears from sight. “Farewell, my friend. Hell might be hard, tanned and smell like sunscreen and moonshine, but its demonic ruler is quite the dickhead.”

I’m over-caffeinated and hangry as I watch the chair thief, through the window, slip a t-shirt over his head and fill a glass of water straight from the tap, pausing long enough to pop what looks to be painkillers. It appears our neighborhood hoebag had a rough night and an even rougher morning, considering he pretty much crawled to the kitchen.

A pot of coffee brews while he leans both hips against the counter, waiting while he smashes his temples between his palms. Poor baby. It’s hard staying pretty when you’re trashed and sleep deprived, but somehow, he manages, which is really a shame.

The last time I was hungover I looked like an actual troll, hissing at Aspen when she offered to wash the dirt and leaves out of my hair before I crawled into bed.

I frown at the window, at his perfectly coifed hair and celebrity housewife complexion. He might look like he’s put together on the outside but underneath those ugly shorts is a mess of a man with the personality of a house cat.

Sebastian’s hand drops slowly from his temple and hovers in the air. He’s staring directly at me when he lowers all his fingers but the middle one.

Good morning to you too, jerk.

Being the more mature one, I don’t return the juvenile gesture. I simply put down the binoculars and trade them out for the foreign gray pillow I commandeered last night. Sliding the window up, I hold Sebastian’s precious pillow and dangle it out the window like Michael Jackson did to his baby that one time.

Relax, I’m not really going to drop it. At least not while he still has my chair.

That perfect jawline of his falls in an instant, taking his rude hand gesture with it. I can feel a triumphant grin emerge, but then the bedroom door clicks behind me, startling me and sending the pillow out of my hand and clear across the room, where it lands gracefully in front of my roommate’s pink-painted toes.

“Were you just dangling Bash-hole’s pillow out the window?” Aspen’s knowing gaze volleys between the pillow at her feet and my crouched position by the window sill.

The situation looks bad.

I know this.

But really, how much can Aspen prove with just a brief look? Maybe I slept on the floor? Maybe I was looking for a sock. Maybe—I clear my throat and straighten my spine. “No, of course not. That would be a shitty thing to do.” I cock my head to the side, my eyes wide, feigning hurt. “How could you think such a thing, Asp? I simply dropped my contact and used the pillow as a cushion while I searched for it.”

Lying is not normally my default in stressful situations. I promise. Consider me the girl not taking the high road today. What can I say? Sebastian always brings out my worst qualities.

Aspen nods, her mouth curling into a grin. “I hate when that happens.” Dammit, she knows I’m lying. “Here,” she squats down for the pillow, “let me help you find it.”

“That’s okay.” I wave her off, then stand as she comes closer to the window where our hungover neighbor awaits. “Really, I got it. I’ll just grab a new pair.”

She ignores me and pushes forward to the window. It’s okay, though, I’m not panicked. The demon next door has probably gone to do the Devil’s bidding by now—fingers crossed—and Aspen won’t see anything when she looks out the window.

“Why is Bash-hole naked?” Her gasp pulls me from my thoughts in an instant. “And who gave him that hickey on his ass cheek?”

Two things go through my head in a matter of a millisecond.

One, did he finally change those awful shorts? Two, have women really resorted to sucking on ass cheeks now?

“What?” I try shoving her out of the way, but she stands firm.

“Is ass sucking a new thing?” Aspen continues, her feet planted on the floor. “I mean, I’ve never done it before, have you?”

I roll my eyes. “You’re distracting me. What do you really want?”

Clearly, I need something to do since I’ve resorted to getting my kicks out of knowing Sebastian slept terribly without his pillow last night.

Aspen turns her back to the window, blocking my view. “You’re supposed to be getting ready for the party. Have you been watching Bash-hole this whole time?”

Surely, she doesn’t need an answer. I think the evidence is clear. I’ve been watching the ever-loving shit out of our neighbor for hours. He didn’t get up until two, dammit. I couldn’t leave my room and miss him waking up with a stiff neck and a bad attitude. That would have ruined my whole day.

“Of course you have, why am I even asking?”

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