Dr. Parker’s laugh shakes the whole car. “You are such an asshole,” he signs along with his words. “You better be glad the foundation pays me well to deal with your shit.”
I shake my head reluctantly, feeling a little better.
“You want to go in and talk? Maybe get something to drink?”
I shake my head at his offer. “I’m not in the mood for your helpful tidbits.”
But I am.
I want answers. I want him to tell me why I’m feeling this way. Why Milah betrayed me. Why I feel angry for enjoying myself up there onstage tonight. I want—
He snaps his fingers in front of my face. “I’m taking it from your grip on the steering wheel that you’re lying.”
Immediately, I slide my hands off the wheel and tuck them under my thighs.
“You played brilliantly tonight,” he notes. “Your mother would have been proud.”
“Would have beenare the choice words there,” I answer bitterly, and he ignores it, as usual.
“How did you feel playing in front of a crowd?”
I shrug. “Sick? Alive? Like I was someone else tonight.”
“Like you were Timaeus Lambros?” His eyes are knowing.
“Yes, I guess so.” I’ll let him have this one admission. Just one time knowing he’s right and a decent therapist and… friend.
“I’d forgotten what a rush it was playing in front of an audience,” I admit. I can’t remember the last time I played for a crowd. It had to be in college.
“Did it make you want to play more often?”
I shrug and then lower my gaze to my pants and whisper, “It made me want to hear.”
I don’t look up to see if Dr. Parker is speaking or signing. Something tells me he’s letting this confession seep through the cabin of my car, saturating the surfaces with a true statement. Something I would never have admitted to myself if it hadn’t been forhermaking me feel again.
After a few minutes, I look up and see Dr. Parker just watching, waiting patiently like he always does. “What was different about tonight than when you play with Ms. Peak?”
It’s a good question. One that I don’t know that I have the answer to. Unless… “It wasn’t just tonight.” Fuck. I’m really fucking doing this. I’m handing Dr. Parker the trophy. The bastard won. “It was every day since I met her… and him.”
“Milah and Oliver?” he supplies, and I nod.
“Yes. From the first day that I met her, I wanted to hear her sharp tongue and quick wit. Did you know she basically came to America with dreams of being like you?” I smirk and make a face like it’s disgusting. “I knew she was crazy then, but that didn’t stop me from falling in love with her. And then Oliver came along….” My gaze holds Dr. Parker’s. “He looked at me like I was his savior—his hero. He looked at me like he finally wasn’t alone anymore.”
I examine the leather on the steering wheel, needing a distraction. “I couldn’t let him down. I couldn’t let him become me. I wanted—” I swallow. “I want so much more for him.”
Sighing and feeling ten pounds of heaviness release from my chest, I press back into the seat. “For the first time in years, I didn’t want to just muddle through. I wanted to livewiththem.”
I stare out into the midnight skies. “You were right. I was stuck. But you….” My voice grows angry as Cal’s face flashes in my head. “But you just had to push me. Had to show me what I was missing. And now it’s gone! It’s all fucking gone, and I’m right back at square one. Is this what you wanted? Was it worth it to prove your point? Why couldn’t you just let me be?” My voice quivers in my chest as anger takes over. I know it’s not Dr. Parker’s fault, but I was happy-ish. I was living. I wasn’t in this much pain. I didn’t yearn for things. Not like this.
“Tell me how it’s gone, Tim.”
I shake my head and bark out a bitter laugh. “You were there. You heard her. She’s moving back to Costa Rica after Christmas Break.” I look at the watch on my hand. “That’s a week from now, if you need an exact date.”
Dr. Parker’s face never wavers. If I’ve upset him, he isn’t going to lose his cool. Not today. “This new life of yours isn’t just about Milah. You told me it was a little bit of everything—Ms. Peak, Oliver, your family, the job, and Milah. I know it was under unfortunate circumstances how you met, but that doesn’t mean when she leaves you are left with nothing. You still have all those pieces of your life. Milah was onlypartof the equation.”
I cut him a look. I don’t appreciate the breakdown. “She was the main part, and you know it.”
His lips purse for a moment. “Okay, she was. But you have got to stop with the tunnel vision. Everything in your life was based around your mom. You made life decisions based on her actions.”