Page 41 of Saving Micah

I will not push her. That isn’t what she needs. She needs comfort. Not me trying to find out how she feels about me or why she screams for me when she’s having a nightmare. Even though I may know the reason to that last statement.

“Ok. Let’s get you in the shower. You are soaking wet from sweat.” I say this to her and slowly pull away from her. I grab her shoulders and look into her face as she slowly pulls it away from my chest. Her eyes are swollen and red. It breaks my heart. She sniffles and wipes at her face to get the rest of the tears off. The ones that came after she wiped her entire face on my shirt.

“Yeah. I need a shower. Are you staying? Do you want to make coffee or something while I clean up?” Apparently, she wants me to stay.

“You don’t have to.” She looks down like she is upset with herself for blurting out the questions.

I rub her shoulders and tell her, “I will stay Micah. Get a shower. I will put on coffee and we will talk. Or not. Whatever you want to do.”

I climb off the bed and make my way to the kitchen while she makes her way to the bathroom.

Chapter 23

Micah

If you’re gonna let me down,

Let me down gently

Don’t pretend you don’t want me

{‘Water Under The Bridge’ -Adele}

Zant.

Zant is in my kitchen. Making coffee. What a night. I have no idea how this is going to go.

I finish up in the bathroom. I tie my wet hair up into a messy bun and make my way out to grab some clothes. I quickly dress in pajama pants and a t-shirt. As I’m walking to the bedroom door, I realize that I don’t have a bra on. I look down at myself and notice that you can see through my shirt. I back up and go to my dresser to grab a bra. There is no way Zant can see me like that. I would die of embarrassment.

Once I’ve finished dressing, I go to the kitchen. Zant is sitting on a stool at my bar. I stop and just look at him.

It’s been so long. When did he get so… I don’t know, grown? He looks the same. He has always been handsome. Now though, he looks better somehow. He has the all-American boy look going on. He’s wearing a polo shirt with blue jeans and his grey Converse shoes. Delicious.

Delicious? Where did that thought come from? I shake my head to clear my brain.Get back on track Micah.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks. I can tell that he was looking at me just the same as I was looking at him.

“I’m sorry. I just feel like I may be seeing a ghost or something.” I smirk at him and hold onto my smile. I can’t give him that just yet.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he says as he looks down towards the counter.

“Yeah,” I say as I remember why he is even here right now and I slowly lose my little bit of joy.

I keep talking. If I know anything, I know that Zant just isn’t going to open up and explain to me why he is in my apartment. He hasn’t changed that much. “Zant, why are you here?” I guess I should just start with the obvious question.

He doesn’t answer right away. He keeps looking at his folded hands on the counter. I look at him.

“I already explained to you, Micah. I came by after leaving the diner because I had a weird feeling that you may need something. It appears I was right.” He still hasn’t looked at me.

“Look at me Zant and tell me why you are here.” He raises his head and looks me in the eyes. I am instantly breathless as I see the look in his beautiful green eyes.

I can see in his expression that he never planned on having this conversation; however, he begins to speak. “I really don’t know Micah. I’ve done my best to stay away from you.” My heart literally stops and he sees it in my face. He looks down at his hands again. “I didn’t mean it that way. I never meant it that way. I never wanted to hurt you Micah. I wanted you to heal. I wanted you to move on and have a happy, normal life. I wanted you to be free of all the darkness that I bring into your world.”

I take a deep breath before I pass out from lack of oxygen. “Zant, that wasn’t your call to make.” I tell him this and watch as he shakes his head. I’m not going to get through to him. He obviously believes that leaving me was for the best. And even though I don’t want to, I kind of understand. I’ve known Zant my whole life. He would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. I know he thinks he was going to find himself some help out there and was going to come back. I neverdidn’tbelieve him. I just couldn’t understand. And I never will. I needed him longer.

“Mi, I can’t make you understand. I know how you are. I know that you are going to fight me on my decision and I can’t say anything to make you see it from my point of view.”

“I understand that you never even cared to try.” I turn then and go to my room. He can see himself out. We aren’t going to get anywhere with this and despite my feelings, he isn’t going to see that I could have helped him if he had only stayed.

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