Page 38 of Saving Micah

The next morning after Club 3, I wake up to the sun blinding me. I love this town. I know I’ve mentioned it is why I came back but knowing I’m home gives me peace. I climb out of bed and the thoughts and memories of last night hit me. I groan as I pull on my jeans and search for a clean t-shirt. After pulling one on that smells pretty decent, I go to the kitchen for coffee.

About an hour later, I hear a knock at my door. Apprehensively, I make my way to the door. I know it isn’t Levi or Chance. It’s too early for either of them.

It can only be one other person. Now that she knows I’m in town, I should expect her to come by.

When I open the door, it isn’t Micah standing there.

It’s Kelly.

“Good morning Zant. How are you?” She talks to me like she is gentle and kind. But I can feel the murderous vibe coming off of her. I can even hear her teeth grinding together.

“Cut the crap Kelly. Don’t be nice because we both know you’re wanting to slit my throat right now. What do you want?” I don’t feel like playing games with her. That isn’t my style and she should know that.

“Ok. Mr. Wise Guy. What the heck is your problem? Is that better?” She flips her hair and just looks at me. Like she’s judging me or something. She knows nothing about me or my feelings. I don’t need her crap.

“My problem? What’s my problem? You’re here first thing this morning trying to pretend like you’re going to be nice and just talk to me. When we both know that isn’t your way. You’re trying to placate me before you go in for the kill and I don’t appreciate it.”

“I just need to know what to tell my best friend. She woke up crying and with a million questions that no one can answer but you and you just ran off and left her again. I’m just trying to be a good friend, like youuseto be, and help her.” The look in her eye is a little less murderous and has filled with compassion for her friend. I know that she wants to help Micah. She just doesn’t know how and she thinks coming here will give her the answers that she needs to give Micah.

I hate to disappoint them both, but they won’t find the answers that they are looking for or wanting here.

“Listen Kelly. I have my reasons for leaving Micah. Both times. I don’t expect you to understand. I really don’t expect Micah to understand, but I am doing her a favor. She doesn’t need me. The only thing that I am good for is reminding her of the horrible things that have happened in her life. She doesn’t need that and me staying away from her will give her the peace that she deserves. She can move on and have a happy normal life.” I say all that without looking at Kelly. I know that she won’t get it but I don’t want to see the pity in her eyes. I don’t want her to feel sorry for me. I’m making peace with my life. I am moving on and making the best of things.

When I do look at her, there is rage all over her face.

Not what I was expecting.

I take a step back which puts me into the house more and gives her room to come in.

She does just that so I close the door and turn to look at her.

“Zant Michael Taylor!” She says my name. My whole name. I know that a lecture is coming now. I almost feel nervous.

“You honestly believe all of that? You honestly believe all of the bullshit that just came out of your mouth?”

I just nod. There really isn’t anything to say. I don’t really think she was asking a literal question anyway.

“Listen Kelly. I am doing what I think is best for Micah. That is all I have done. That is what I have done since I met her.” I lay it out there for her. I need her to understand. She may not, but I am going to make my point.

“Life has been a mess for Micah because of me and my family. I will not cause her any more pain. I moved away from here so she could have a better life. Without me. Without the memories. Without the pain. I will not take that away from her.”

She looks at me like I’ve grown another head. “You have no idea, do you? Zant, Micah is not better off without you. She is lost without you.”

She turns and walks out the door. Leaving me there just staring after her and crushed.

That did not go how I thought it would. Is she right?

It’s been two weeks. I’ve finalized everything on the house. I’m now a homeowner. However, I am wondering if I’m doing the right thing with being here.

Zant, Micah is not better off without you. She is lost without you.

Kelly’s words keep running through my head. Have I really been staying away from Micah for nothing? Have I hurt her more by staying away?

I don’t know and I’m a little scared to find out. If my staying away has caused her more pain, how am I any better than the actual person that hurt her?

I blame myself for a lot of the past but I do stop at the fact that I personally didn’t hurt her. I have believed that I brought pain into her life, but I would never purposely hurt her.

But, have I been?

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