Page 29 of Saving Micah

“Yeah, let’s do this. I want to fall asleep in your arms tonight Z.” She says with a smile. I’m extremely happy to see the smile.

Once we get on our sides of the bed, I turn on my side while she does the same and looks at me. “Thanks,” she says.

“No need to thank me, love. I will always do everything for you. Even hard things that you may not understand.” I say this hoping that my hidden meanings stay with her. I hope that my words linger and one day when she has a million questions, everything clicks.

“She turns over so that her back is to my front. I wrap my arms around her and put my nose to her hair.” This is Heaven. Pretty soon I hear her breathing level out and I know she is asleep. I slowly move my arms from around her, careful not to wake her. I climb out of bed and make my way out of the room to get my things together. No matter what, I must move forward with my plan. My heart is already breaking. This is Hell.

I climb back in the bed when I’m done and fall asleep next to the love of my life. I hold her and commit every single thing about her to memory.

A few hours later, I slip out of bed and leave her there sleeping in my bed.

Chapter 15

Zant

Dear my lovely Micah,

I know you are going to be so mad at me and I cannot tell you how sorry I am for this.

Always know that I love you, Micah. Never forget that. Even when you feel like you hate me, remember that I love you. That is all I will ask of you. I won’t ever ask you to forgive me. Of course, I want you to but, I won’t ask you to. Leaving you is not easy for me and I’m even hating myself. But I need to do this. For you. For me. For us.

I know this is going to be hard but, you have four other people to lean on. Remember that. Do not push them away and do not go backwards. Please.

I have to go away.

I have to get help.

I never told you what happened with Roy and I’m kind of glad that I don’t have to see your eyes when you learn what I did. I really don’t want you to hate me or see me any differently than you always did.

Here is the truth for you, my love.

Roy is dead.

I killed him.

After it was done – I did not, for even one second, regret it. I know that makes me a monster. He ruined me too.

So now, I am going away to get away from the demons that follow me around. I am going to find help. I hope that when I come back, I am a much stronger person for you.

Listen to me Micah – I WILL come back for you. That’s a promise!

I know you are pissed and hurt and I understand. I’m sorry baby. I am so damn sorry.

I’m sorry for what Roy did to you. I wish I could have prevented it. Maybe if I had been stronger, I could have. Maybe if I would have gotten help sooner, he wouldn’t have even gotten close to you. I feel a lot of maybes. And I don’t know what to do with them.

But I promise. I will find the answers and when I come back for you – I will be better.

Enjoy college, Micah. Make sure you take life by the horns and ride it hard. You deserve it. Now you know for sure that Roy can’t touch you. Let go, baby. Spread your winds and fly. Live your life, love. That is all that I have ever wanted for you. Be free.

You are not broken. You are not damaged. You are free and you are loved.

Live, Micah.

I love you. I will not be in contact. Please don’t hate me.

Love,

-your Z

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