Page 28 of Saving Micah

“Ok you guys, everyone is gone. Z, what do you need us to do before we leave?” Kelly ask as she picks up drink cans to bring to the trash.

“Nothing. I will clean tomorrow and get everything straightened back up. It isn’t too bad.” It really isn’t. Chip bags and drink cans litter the surfaces but it has been worse.

Macy makes her rounds to give us all a hug and says, “I’m going to take Kelly home so she won’t walk,” she side eyes Kelly, “it’s late and we know she will do it anyway if nobody takes charge.”

“Thank you,” Micah says to her, “I would worry like crazy.” Despite what happened to Micah, Kelly still thinks that nothing can happen to her. It drives us all insane. That is Kelly though. She’s a brave chick.

Kelly sighs. “Macy, let’s go. I don’t want to hear the speeches again.” Everyone chuckles while she makes her rounds. I hug her extra tight before letting her go. She gives me a puzzled look but lets it go. I’m glad. She’s a tough one. She is going to be the least forgiving.

Chance and Levi leave next and it leaves Micah and I alone. I spend a couple extra minutes telling them goodbye. They have no idea that it will be for a while.

I hate this but I need this.

Micah is sitting on the counter in the kitchen so I move in between her legs and wrap my arms around her waist. I tenderly kiss her forehead as she slides her arms around my neck. “Hey baby. Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah.” She says in a sigh. “It was great. We ended one chapter to start another one. You know how I like change but change scares me at the same time.”

“Change is good sometimes. Change is necessary sometimes.” I tell her while my nose is in her hair. Her scent. I’ve got to memorize her scent.

“I know. How was your day? Was it good?” She asks.

“My day was great. One that I will remember for the rest of my life.” I tell her honestly. Change is coming and I want to hold on to every little memory that I am going to need to carry with me.

I step back and look at her. Her blue eyes are bright. She is feeling good, I can tell. She is glowing. God, I love this girl. I just hope that one day she will forgive me for what I have to do.

“What are you thinking about?” She knows me. She knows when I am just pretending to be in the present. I really am here right now but I am torn and she can tell. She squeezes me with her legs so that I will answer her.

“I’m just thinking. I’m soaking up the moment. Living in the moment. You know?”

“Yeah, I get it.” She says as her face lights up with a smile. “I love you.”

“Baby.” I say with a sigh. I lower my forehead to hers and look into her eyes. “I love you too. With all of my heart. I have since the first moment I saw you throwing football in your front yard.” She giggles. I tell her this all the time.

“You were four. You didn’t know what love was, silly.”

“Maybe not, but I knew that you were made by God for me. I felt it.” I tell her with every ounce of belief in my own words that I can muster up.

She was mine then as much as she is now.

“Am I staying here with you tonight?” She asks.

“Yes, if you want to. I’d love to wake up in the morning to your beautiful face. Do you think you can do it?”

We haven’t done this yet. We will not be intimate. She is nowhere ready for that and truth be told, neither am I. But, I would love to hold her tonight as I fall asleep and wake up to see her face. Just this once.

“I think I can. I want to.” She says. I see the weary look on her face. She doesn’t fully trust herself but, God, I want her to trust me - just this once.

“You can, Mi. You can do this for you. You can do this for me. You can do this for us. I promise to not push you. You know that. You have all the power, sweetheart.”

“I know. I trust you. That isn’t the issue. I’m just worried about my demons coming out to play. I don’t want to freak out. I’m trying to stay on the light side of things. I’m trying really hard not to listen to the nightmares.” She puts her arms behind her and leans back to put some distance between us. I don’t like it but I step back a little to give her the space she needs. “I can do it.” She continues. “I can do this for the both of us. I need it and I know that it may help.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe I can do this one last thing for her. And for me.

We make our way to my bedroom. She goes into the bathroom to change while I get everything ready. I slip my jeans and socks off. I will sleep in my shirt and boxer shorts.

She comes out with sleep shorts and a t-shirt on. I try not to stare at her. I try to keep my brain blank. I can’t go there with her. We are nowhere near ready for that step yet. That will be years from now and I will wait forever for her.

“You ready? You can change your mind. It’s fine. I promise.” I tell her.

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