Page 13 of Saving Micah

I just look back at him. I show him through my eyes that I agree with him but, I want him to know how I feel.

“I agree. She has only known pure love.” I drop my gaze. “She has not been heartbroken yet and a lot of the time I do not feel good enough for her. I never want to break her heart. I want to make sure that when I finally tell her how I feel, I’m in a good place. I want to be away from Roy. I want to be able to prove to her that I can take care of her heart too.”

He doesn’t speak for a long time and I finally raise my eyes to his. He’s just looking at me.

“Zant, let me tell you something son. You tell Micah when you are ready. It was never my intention to make you feel like I wanted you to rush anything. Micah is my baby girl. She is my princess and believe me when I tell you this. You are good enough for her. Even now.” With that, he turns and walks toward the house leaving me there to think about his words.What now?

I walk back in the house about ten minutes later. Micah is on the couch watching a show so I sit down next to her. I throw my arm onto the back of the couch behind her. She turns to look at me. “Did you guys get the lights fixed? Daddy came in and went straight to his room. Did something happen?”

“No. The lights are working. He’s fine.” We know Mr. Davis. If he has a hard time working on something, he needs time alone afterwards. He is a perfectionist. Whatever he is working on better work or there will be wrath to deal with.

She just nods and goes back to her TV show. After the show is over I look over to Micah. She fell asleep about half way through. I move my arm from behind her and rise from the couch. I bend over and pick her up. Waking her is useless. She can’t walk a straight line when she is half asleep and she has bumped into everything in the house at one time or another. After watching Mrs. Lucy replace a couple lamps I decided that carrying her to bed was a safer bet.

I lay her on the bed and remove her socks and shoes. This is a routine that I am used to. I leave her jeans and shirt on. No way am I going there. She would kill me. I know her too well.

I press my lips to her forehead and make my way out of her room. I lightly close the door and go to the kitchen for something to drink.

I’m staying here tonight. Mr. Davis would have my head if I went and slept at home after what Roy did this morning.

I don’t have my church shoes though. If I go in the morning, I will run into him. If I go now, he is probably passed out and he won’t even know I’m there.

The Carson’s are watching TV in their room and I will be back long before they know I’m gone.

I silently creep out the front door to make my way to my house. I use the key under the flower pot to let myself in.

It’s quiet. He must be in his room. I look around to make sure he isn’t hiding to sneak attack me again. I look in the living room and the kitchen. He isn’t in either room so I make my way to my room. I don’t need to turn any lights on. I know this house like the back of my hand.

I make my way to my room and shut the door. Apparently, Roy got sober enough to fix it. I don’t make a sound in case he is in his room. He may pass out most nights dead drunk but, he can hear a mouse slip a piece of cheese off a mouse trap without setting the trap off.

I quickly grab my shoes and my phone charger. I make my way out of my room as easily and quietly as I made my way in. I take a chance and look at his room door. It’s open. I go and take a look to make sure he’s in there. He usually shuts his door. Maybe something has happened to him.

When I get to his door, I see his bed is empty. So is the floor. So is the bathroom that is connected to his room. After that, I look everywhere. He isn’t in the house. It is unlike him to not be home.

I go to the kitchen and that is when I see it.

There is a glass on the counter with fresh ice in it. He was just here. Where could he be?

Chapter 7

Micah

But I’m a creep

I’m a widow

What the hell am I doing here

I don’t belong here

{‘Creep’ – Radiohead}

While the show on TV plays, I listen to Zant’sheart. The steady rhythm puts me at ease. It always has. He’s always my constant. He’s always there when I need… anything. It has always been Zant.

I know I love him and I know that he is my one. But, when will it be our time? I question that all the time but I never know the answer. I have a feeling that now is not the time. Now is too early for us. I do not want to get into a relationship, realize that we are better off as friends, and ruin our friendship. I rather not know if something more can happen than to risk that.

He knows that about me though. So, I stop worrying and just enjoy my moments with him.

Whatever they are to him – I am ok with not knowing right now.

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