Page 6 of Forbidden
Even if Lorenzo has retired from sex, something tells me, he will have friends.Hot single friends.
If Lorenzo does not come for me in the night, his friends just might.
I shake my head, and tell myself I’m a sad dreamer.
As I sigh, I think about my clothes. I moan loud, now worrying about my plain hair, and my makeup focus, or lack of it. On arrival, I will have to get my act together and fast.
I look down at what I am wearing. Old white Nikes, jeans, and a white T.
I need to buy clothes, get in shape, and I need to become sophisticated.
I lecture myself, as I see Manhattan, and NYC, ahead. Yikes! It’s really happening, and NYC looks massive, and scary.
I tell myself to take charge of my life, and be more confident. To be more adventurous and try more things.
The thing is, I’ve never been confident with guys. I’m only confident with books, and knowledge of books. That’s because I’ve read hundreds, and I ploughed through my degree.
The downside is me needing thick glasses. Likely another reason why boys find me invisible.
Being stuck with innocent looking big brown eyes, and plain brown hair sucks. My girl next door look also sucks!
Whatever.
People don’t seem to realize, I have needs. Sexual needs, andwicked needs.
I even fantasize about having my hair pulled, and being choked. Being commanded what to do, is hot, and in my dreams, I do everything.
Everything, I am told.
As my cell chirps again I climb out of my brain. I look down and it’s Madison, my best friend. I hit a button then speaker. “So exciting, and you’re so going to meet the perfect guy.”
“Right,” I say, staring ahead at NYC.
“And he’ll do wicked things to you!”
“Phah,” I huff. “I just want to read books, and design, but sure. In fact yes, I so need sex. Maybe also some pushing around.”
“And you need a good man. No more losers. Just find someone with skill! You deserve it, babe. Especially after…”
Madison means my ex Billy. During our last year together, he became toxic and scary. He never hit me, but he was right on the edge. It was way over time to leave him, so I did.
Billy has not contacted me for months now, and that is a start. I stay silent for too long.
“You okay, babe?”
“Yeah,” I sigh nervous again.
I’ve always felt inadequate, and I’ve always had to force myself to do things that worry me. Study and get a degree. Consider a new city, and state to live in… Leave my hometown, alone.
Not once did Dad ever say he was proud of me, and Billy was always telling me I was never good enough. Never pretty enough. Never skinny enough.
Never interesting enough.
“Look, you’ll have an amazing time, and you’ve got this. I bet you’ll meet someone too.”
“Right!” I say unsure.
“Do you think you’ll do more volunteering? For another animal shelter?”
