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I know I was stupid, to have thought he would want me. And how I could possibly compare to models, and glamorous sophisticated women?
I’m just a small-town girl. With a makeover, and weird hobbies.
Even if I started to love the new me. I am a fake. I am no one.
I arrive at JFK,and half asleep, I wash my face in the bathroom. After staggering away, I find a café. My mind is still churning fast. My eyes are swollen from crying, and I chug two strong coffees. As I take a cab to the penthouse, I ignore all his calls and messages.
There is nothing to discuss.
Why would he ever change from fucking half the models in the world. Why would he want me, over them, and anyone he could get, and have?
Finally, I arrive at his, or what was our apartment.
Alfred, who has been looking after Falcon while we were away, is out, thankfully.
I peek out the elevator door and I realize I’m ahead of Lorenzo.
Quickly, I yank off the high heels, and I walk straight into our shared bedroom. I toss all my things on the bed, and I move like a messed-up assassin.
I know he could walk in any minute, and there is no way I want to see him again.
Especially here, in our old place.
It takes me twenty minutes, but I soon have everything I own, in my bags. I do not take anything we’ve bought together. Like the things from farmers markets, and the weird coffee cups that match.
I neither take the clothes he bought for me, or the other gifts. The Dior, Valentino, exotic lingerie or amazing shoes.
Quickly, I walk into the kitchen, and I freeze.
I walk past the large bouquet of flowers, before I backstep to check the card. They are for Lorenzo, and they are from Sophia.
Without thinking, I launch the vase and flowers across the room. They shatter on the tiles, and I feel better.
The happiness turns to shame and disgust.
I used to be better. Better than that.
I suddenly remember the little good I’ve done since coming to NYC, and I remember Falcon. Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I run upstairs.
Slowing, I sit near the bird, and I know I need to keep it tight.
The large bird flaps both of its wings near it’s kennel-like home, and I slide nearer it, and sob.
The Peregrine is not far away, and could walk away, flap away, or start to shred me with its talons or beak.
I give zero Fs, and it just flaps its wings and makes a crying sound.
After a minute, it stops flapping, and it moves towards me slowly.
Finally, it feels clear, and I realize, one day, I will survive. I have to, this cannot be it. As I breathe, sniff, and calm, I look down. I notice the falcon is leaning against my leg.
It still has those scary black eyes, that give away nothing, but it feels like it is watching me.
Feeing broken, stupid and foolish, I sniff, and find my center. I then wrap a protective arm around the big bird.
Knowing it could leap up, and tear an eyeball out, within a split second, does not scare me. I have nothing left to lose.
The bird makes a soft cry-like sound again, then it shakes itself like it is fluffing itself up.
