Page 8 of You Belong With Me

He smiled, drawing my attention to how some of my tinted lip gloss had stained his lips.

“Trust me, Nellie,” he said, in that same deep tone asbefore that had my knees going weak and me imagining pulling his face down to mine again. “My hair is the least of my issues right now.”

I wasn’t sure what that meant, but whatever he was referring to made him step away from me, clearing his throat. He glanced at Josh and raised his eyebrows, like he was asking if he got the photo. Josh nodded and showed it to both of us. He’d taken the photo from the side, but because of the way our faces were tilted and my hair fell, it was next to impossible to tell it was me. Like Sebastian had said, someone would need to know the exact outfit and hair I had right now to tell me apart. I just had to hope Dean hadn’t paid much attention to me after I took off my coat earlier. Or, better yet, that Sebastian made sure he never saw the photos. He wasn’t just saving my skin—he was saving himself too. Because if Dean found out about this, we were both dead.

Was it worth it? For that brief moment of heaven? To feel Sebastian’s hands on my waist, his lips on mine, to finally have a memory to go with the daydreams?

I was barely breathing as I watched him walk away with Josh, looking over his card for the next bingo prompt. Then, without even thinking, I brushed my fingers over my lips.

Yes, it was worth it.

Even if it could never happen again.

five

I hidin my room all weekend, certain that if I ran into Dean at any point, he would be able to see it on my face that I’d kissed his best friend. Even when I was hiding out, I worried that he was somehow going to find out. Maybe Sebastian would break and tell him. Maybe somebody saw us. Maybe he would see the photo and recognize me, even with my face hidden. So I spent the whole weekend in a state of anxiety, just waiting for Dean to confront me.

But Dean never said anything. He didn’t come storming into my room, scream at me for kissing his best friend, or try to smother me with a pillow a second time. By Monday morning, I was totally convinced that we were in the clear.

But the worries over Dean had been keeping worse ones at bay, because without it, I was left wondering about Sebastian instead. Had he thought about me since the kiss? Or was I just one in a line of kisses to him? I hadn’t even thought about whatKissing Bingomeant on Friday night, but now the reality was slapping me in the face—I musthave been one of at least five, maybe even more, kisses in the night. By the end of it, he probably didn’t even remember me. Which meant that I probably should forget all about it too. Was it wrong that I didn’t want to?

“Nora!” Dean yelled, pounding his fist on the bathroom door as I took a shower on Monday morning. I froze, halfway through washing my hair, sure that he could read my thoughts. He knew I’d been thinking about Sebastian and the kiss, and now he was here to kill me over it. “Will you hurry up? I need to brush my teeth.”

“I’m in the shower!” I yelled back as my heart went back down to regular speed. He didn’t know. Of course he didn’t. Dean was many things, but he wasn’t a mind reader. He slammed his fist on the door once but then went silent like he stormed off, and I grinned to myself knowing that I’d won the argument. But I knew that was far from winning the war.

By the time I finished getting ready and came downstairs, Dean was already gone, while Mom was sitting alone at a table covered in breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, toast, and eggs sat on a plate at my usual spot on the table, along with a cup of orange juice and a mug of coffee. It was the same as every morning, though the spread never failed to confuse me, since I only ever ate a third of what she made and never even touched the coffee. It was all part of Mom insisting on being the perfect family—the one that all sat together for breakfast every morning, with a full spread in front of them—even though nobody could see us through these walls.

“Good morning, honey,” Mom said as I sat down. Her own plate was empty now, but she still hada mug of coffee in front of her hands. Dad’s plate was still full, so he must not be finished getting ready yet.

“Morning,” I said as I sat down and picked up the piece of toast on the edge of the plate. It wasn’t even just a regular piece of toast, it was cut in two triangles and already buttered. “Where’s Dean?”

“Oh, he had to go to school early for some project,” Mom said.Yeah, right. With the way he’d been slamming on the door while I was in the shower, he was clearly hoping to get there early and there was no way he would have been that worried over getting there for a group project meeting. I had a feeling that his absence this morning had something to do with the same girl he ran off to see on Friday. But I knew he wouldn’t be happy if I told Mom about that. As much as we argued, Dean and I had a sibling agreement not to sell each other out to our parents.

“So, how’s school going?” she asked.

“Fine,” I mumbled, poking at the eggs on my plate. I glanced at the time, wishing I could get out of here. I hated being stuck talking to her one-on-one, because it felt like having to keep up a mask of the perfect daughter all the time. I had to give her all the right answers to her questions so she wouldn’t realize that I was so far from the daughter she wanted me to be. But it was too early for me to be able to feign leaving for the school bus. I should have stayed upstairs for longer so I would have an excuse to rush through breakfast. I probably would have, if I’d realized Dean was going to be gone. It was easier to handle family conversations when he was here to take some of the brunt of Mom’s attention.

“I still can’t believe my little girl is already in her junior year,” Mom said.

I wasn’t really hungry, but I took another bite of eggs just so that I could avoid having to respond to the comment. I hated that she still called me alittle girllike that so much. I was sixteen, for goodness sake. It seemed like everybody in my life was intent on treating me like a little kid, from Dean to her to… Sebastian.

Even just thinking his name made my heart race. It had been months since that last happened, but all it took was one measly little kiss and suddenly I was lovestruck again. I wondered if I was right in thinking that he just saw me as a little kid. But if not that, then who was I to him? His neighbor, his best friend’s little sister, the girl who happened to be wearing the right outfit to kiss on Friday night?

“For goodness sake, Angela!” Dad yelled from down the hall. I didn’t even flinch at the voice, well used to the arguments that took place over the breakfast table every morning. He came storming into the kitchen, almost dressed for work, except that he wasn’t wearing his suit jacket and he had a tie in each hand. He held them out to my mom looking annoyed. “I told you I need you to lay out just one tie for the morning, okay? I can’t be doing this every single day.”

“I just wanted you to have options,” Mom said breezily. She stood up and started clearing Dean’s plate from his spot. Dad looked at me like he thought I could help and I quickly started gulping down my orange juice so I had an excuse not to talk. Dad sighed and pressed one hand to his forehead, holding the ties still in his grip. Iwasn’t sure why it seemed to stress him out every morning that he had to choose between two ties. I especially didn’t know why that stressed him out when his wife laid out his entire outfit for him and this was the only decision about it that he needed to make. It wasn’t like he needed to pick out an entirely new outfit every single day. In the grand scheme of things, this all seemed much easier.

He turned on his heel, muttering something about being late for work, while Mom swooped in to refill my glass. I glanced at the clock again. Still a couple of minutes before I had a good reason to leave, and even then it would be early. But maybe if I started to get up now and pull on my jacket…

“Oh honey, I almost forgot,” Mom said. “Jennifer called this morning and said that Sebastian would be happy to give you a ride to school.”

I froze halfway out of my seat and stared at her, certain I must have misheard her. Sebastian was going to give me a ride?

No way.

Nofreakingway.

I must have misheard her. She said somebody else’s name and I just superimposed Sebastian’s name on top, because he was all I’d been thinking about over the weekend.

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