Page 27 of You Belong With Me

“Any reason I shouldn’t be?” I asked, turning away from him again to face the parking lot. It was dark andalmost deserted over here, since this was just the overflow parking from the front, which wasn’t needed much on a weekday night like this. Beyond the parking lot, there was an empty lot, probably waiting to be turned into some new restaurant or apartment building, then the main street further down. I focused on the neon lights shining out from the McDonald’s and the bowling alley across the way to stop myself from noticing Sebastian.

I should have known that it would be impossible to ignore him, though. I could feel his presence as he came to stand beside me, his arm brushing mine and the smell of his shampoo becoming all I could breathe in. It conjured mental images of him in the locker room that I pushed away as fast as they appeared.

I felt, more than saw, him shrug. “I don’t know, you just seem off tonight. Figured there might be something you want to talk about.”

Therewassomething I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about the kiss. I wanted to tell him what it meant to me, what it should have meant to him, what I wished we could have now. I wanted to know if he had thought about it since that moment. But I couldn’t ask him about that. Not here. Not now. And I didn’t want to have to be the one to bring it up anyway. It was enough that I had given in to the kiss at all. Couldn’t he at least want to talk about it?

But maybe it wasn’t fair of me to want that. To him, it had all been a game. To me, it was everything, but to him it was just some party game that he probably forgot about by the next morning. My nails dug into my arm as I imagined him waking up and scrolling through the photos the next morning, deleting them one by one. I imagined him lyingthere, trying to remember who each girl had been.Who was the one with the red sunglasses? Who was the one with blonde hair? Who was the one wearing the jean skirt?

Sebastian sighed, probably annoyed by my silence.

“Thanks for coming to the game. I…” He cleared his throat and my heart sank, waiting for whatever he had come out here to say. Sure, he asked if I was okay, but that was just the opener. He was probably here on Tiffany’s behalf, ready to tell me to take off the sweater or that he couldn’t drive me around anymore. It was for the best, I knew, but I hated it all the same. “I think Ainsley really appreciates having you around.”

I looked up in surprise. Of anything I thought he was going to say, I didn’t expect him to bring up Ainsley. Surely his girlfriend and her clear hatred of me should have been higher up on his mind. But then I thought of how shy Ainsley had been since I’d met her and the sad look on her face when she talked about her summer in the library. Maybe the reason he wasn’t worried about Tiffany right now was because he knew he had bigger things to be focusing on.

“We’re friends,” I told him.

“I know. It’s just been a rough couple of months and…” If I hadn’t known better, I could have sworn he sounded like he was getting a little choked up. “I guess it’s just shaken us all up. And I’ve been worried about her and trying to take care of her, but there’s only so much I can do…”

The words seemed to come tumbling out of him and I watched silently, not wanting to interrupt. I only realized then that when Tiffany said he had enoughgoing on in his own family, she hadn’t offered him any sort of comfort. She hadn’t said it in the way one might expect of a loving girlfriend, with a comforting hand on his shoulder or with a mention that he could always talk to her. She’d been so focused on me and her annoyance at him driving me around that she hadn’t taken a moment to ask about him.

I glanced carefully over my shoulder at the glass door behind us. From what I could see, the hallway inside was empty, but that could change at any moment. Tiffany could show up any second, demanding for her boyfriend to come back. Moving any closer to him than I was right now was practically opening myself up to being torn apart by his jealous girlfriend. But I couldn’t help myself from stepping up and wrapping an arm around him in a semi-hug—less personal than I would have done with any of my other friends, but more than I’d ever done to him.

“Sebastian,” I said softly. His head was tucked against me and I could feel his breath against my ear, coming in quick bursts, like he was holding himself back from crying. It had been a month and a half since his dad left, a month and a half since the day he’d suddenly been forced to step up and take care of his family, and I wondered how many times he’d ever managed to let his guard down enough to be able to feel it. “Are you okay?”

The question was bigger than just asking how he was right this moment. I knew everyone in his family was trying their best right now, just trying to keep themselves together and get by, but the way his hand tightened on the back of my shirt made me wonder if anyone had thought to ask that of him—when I was positive he had asked them all every day since it happened.

At first, I thought he wasn’t going to answer. I wasn’t going to push him to, especially not to me, when realistically, I probably wasn’t the person he wanted to open up to. But then he murmured softly in my ear, “None of us are okay.”

My breath caught in my chest and my heart ached—for him, for Ainsley, for their family, and their whole world that got torn apart from their dad’s mistake. Did Mr. Novak know the gaping wound he was leaving in his wake when he walked away? Did he care?

I wished I had something deep and profound to say to Sebastian to make it all better, but I was at a loss. I wasn’t prepared for this. I had no experience to compare this to, nothing in my life that made me feel like I knew how to talk him through this.

As if reading my thoughts, Sebastian stepped away, taking a shuddering breath and running a hand through his hair. I felt like I could see his walls going back into place, locking up all his feelings behind that smile he always had on.

And I knew I had to say something, even if it sounded stupid. Something for him to know that he could open up to me like this, that I would always be here for him. I knew he needed to be strong for his family, but I also wanted him to know that he didn’t have to be strong for me.

“Sebastian, I?—”

“There you are, silly.” Of course, Tiffany chose that moment to appear out the back door. She came up to Sebastian, running her hand through his hair as she looked at me with a frown. “And Ainsley’s waiting for you, Nora.”

I watched Sebastian’s face, waiting for a sign that hewanted me to stay. I was sure Ainsley would be fine without me, at least for another minute or two, but I wasn’t sure if Sebastian would be fine alone with Tiffany after what just happened. But he just tilted his head toward the door, telling me to go.

“Yeah,” I said, backing away. Tiffany watched my every movement like a hawk, as if she thought I might be trying to pull a fast one on her. “I guess I’ll head in. Are you guys coming in too?”

“We’ll be there in a minute,” Tiffany said in a sickly sweet voice. I hated the way that she spoke for him, the way that she didn’t even give him the chance to say anything for himself. I stayed, waiting for Sebastian to respond himself.

He nodded. “Yeah, be there in a minute. And if the waitress comes back, you can just let her know that we’re still deciding.”

I nodded, shooting one last glance at Tiffany before stepping inside. But I didn’t go all the way in. Much like the day I’d heard them arguing on the porch, I hovered in the doorway, leaving the door propped open just enough that I could hear the conversation going on out there, while pressing myself up against the wall so they couldn’t see me.

“Don’t you think we should get somealone time?” Tiffany said, emphasizing the words in a way that made me want to gag. “I never get any time with you anymore.”

“You know things have been bad for me, Tiffany,” he said. I couldn’t see them easily because I was trying to stay out of sight of the glass, but I could hear some shuffling like he was moving away from her. “I have other things I need to be focused on right now.”

She scoffed. “That’s what you keep saying, but you’re not doing anything.”

“I’m taking care of my family,” he said. “Isn’t that enough for you?”

---