Page 121 of Can't Kiss the Chef

This last week has been rough. Even though Coach Stevens understands why Byron skipped practice, he told him that he couldn’t show him any special treatment. So he is on the last day of his five day suspension.

We finished finals two days into the suspension. So when he hasn’t been sitting angrily with his parents, he’s been bellied up to the bar at Jasper’s drinking the day away.

These five days I may have been physically with Byron, but I might as well have been by myself. He’s only been communicating with grunts and angry glances. I know I’m bi-lingual, but these sounds are a little too hard for me to decipher.

He’s mad at his mom for not telling him about his dad’s condition sooner. He’s mad at his dad for not working through his problems sooner so he could be present in his life. Now he is pushing me away.

We’ve spent the last few months working through the ramifications of last summer when I was the one who pushed him away.

If I am being honest I don’t know how we are going to survive this again.

“To the semester from hell finally being over!” Indy practically screams as she places a tray of rum shots down on the table.

“Why are we drinking rum?”

Our normal shot of choice is tequila and this dark liquor doesn’t look like it’s going to go down smoothly.

“It was your boyfriend’s drink of choice.” Indy’s eyes quickly flash around the bar to make sure Byron isn’t within ear shot. “He looked so sad I couldn’t say no.”

Margo picks up a shot with her middle finger and thumb barely grazing the rim. She holds it out in front of her like it did something to personally offend her.

“Where is Byron?”

A quick scan of the bar produces no Byron. My heart’s steady thud picks up. Byron is on day five of a bender. Between the alcohol and his heightened emotions, I can’t begin to think about what kind of situation he could get himself into.

Margo, Indy, Aaron and I start a search party. We need to find Byron before he can do something that he truly regrets. I watch as our friends frantically roam around the bar, shaking their heads when he’s not where they thought he would be.

“I’m going to go look if he went outside.”

It must have snowed while we were in the bar. A light dusting covers as far as I can see.

“Byron!” I scream.

His arm is cocked back and when I yell his name he drops it and looks over shoulder. With Byron’s attention off him, theman that was about to be on the other side of Byron’s fist runs in the opposite direction.

“Byron what the fuck is wrong with you! You have four hours left of your suspension. If you hit that guy how much longer do you think Coach would keep you out?”

When he doesn’t answer I take a step closer and place my hands on his rosy cheeks. They’re cold to the touch but Byron doesn’t flinch. He’s been numb for weeks.

“Byron, this isn’t you. I’m sorry you’re angry. I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with all of this right now, but please remember that you have a village of people who love you. Who are here to listen to you. Please just talk to us.” I beg.

He takes my hands off his cheeks and drops them to my side.

“Will those people be there when I’m no longer the goofy guy who makes them laugh? Or will they leave me like everyone does? Because that’s what happens when things get hard Lola”

He kicks the snow in front of him.

“They don’t fight for me. You didn’t fight for me then and you’re not going to fight for me now. So why don’t you do both of us a favor and just end things.”

The words tear through my heart like a bullet. He’s right. When I didn’t think he was fighting for me I just gave up. Over the summer I never thought to fight for what we had. When things got tough I gave up. I knew we had something special. We took our time to nurture it. I forgot all that when I convinced myself that Byron had finally figured out that I wasn’t worth it.

“Byron, I’m sorry about what happened over the summer. I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. If you wake up and feel the same way tomorrow after you’ve sobered up then we will talk about it.”

I take his hand and walk him over to my car. I was only planning on having that one shot knowing that Byron was going to need help getting home tonight.

Once I get Byron settled into the passenger side of my car I shoot a text to the group chat letting them know I found Byron and that I’m going to take him back to the hockey house.

We ride home in silence. Pulling into the driveway I can tell Byron is gearing up to make this difficult for me. His hands are balled into fists tucked at his side. He hasn’t looked in my direction once since we left Jasper’s.

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