Page 74 of The Riley Effect

“It’s not…not what you think.”

“What, you weren’t talking about your relationship problems with my best friend to Evelyn, who I know you used to hook up with?”

My heart sinks. Did the whole party hear whatever Jalen confessed to Evelyn?

Life after my parents’ death flashes before my eyes. The life of pity and people not knowing what to say to you. You have to comfort the people who are supposed to comfort you.

Even with a sober look in his eyes, Jalen’s words are a drunken slur.

“She asked me how we were…” Jalen’s words just end.

“Since he doesn’t have the balls to tell you, I will.”

“He told her he didn’t know if he could handle all your doubts about your relationship. That he’s given you everything, and you still don’t know how to let yourself be with someone.”

I don’t know what doubts he is talking about, I’ve told him that I love him, that I have a hard time trusting people, but I opened my heart to him. This is why I kept to myself. It was safer. People had no reason to go around and talk about what I was doing. I happily flew under the radar.

All the feelings I had as an eight-year-old, having to decide who I could trust and who was going to blame me for my Dad’s rash decisions, are making their way to the forefront of my mind.

My chest tightens and it’s getting harder to breathe. I can’t take my eyes away from the person who promised me that I could always trust him.

“We need to go,” I say through labored breaths. I need to leave before everyone in this house watches me have a full-blown panic attack.

“Ivy, wait,” Jalen finally forces himself to look at me. I’m so furious with him, but somehow, my heart still breaks when I see the tears streaking down his cheeks. “Let’s go upstairs and talk.”

Something about seeing a six-foot-five man in tears must soften Indy’s heart, too, because she places her hand on Jalen’s chest. “Now’s not the time. You guys should talk tomorrow when you both have sobered up and are clear-headed.”

He nods and walks towards the stairs, leaving the rest of the party behind. I walk out the door, wondering how I was so foolish to trust anybody but myself.

I’m not sure how we made it home. It could have been a rideshare. Lola could have picked us up. Maybe we even hitchhiked. I’m just happy to be in my own bed, surrounded by my best friends.

“It’s going to be okay, Ivy,” Lola ensures me. Her hand runs down my back, calming the anxiety I apparently should be embarrassed about having.

“This is why I was better off keeping to myself,” I tuck my head further into my pillow, hiding my embarrassment from my two closest friends.

“Ivy, don’t say that. I’ve seen you grow and have so much fun this year. I’m sure Jalen had a good reason.”

“I saw the look in his eyes,” Indy adds. “I was the one who called him out, and I think he may have realized his drunken mistake.”

“But why did it have to be her? He knows how I feel about her, and now she knows I’m a fucking mess of a human.”

“Ivy, give yourself some grace. You lived through something traumatic. You never let it hinder anything with your school work, basketball or your family. And this year, you pushed so hard to work through that final barrier of letting new people in,” Lola reminds me.

“You’re an amazing human, Ivy,” Indy chimes in. “But to push Jalen away forever before hearing him out is silly. Just talk to him whenever you’re ready. People deserve second chances.”

I know alcohol and emotions are a lethal duo. I know my friends are right and that I need to hear Jalen out. I’m not going to make any promises on when that will be. I need to let my heart sort out these emotions before I can truly trust what my gut is telling me to do. If I can trust that Jalen will be honest with me even if the conversations are difficult to have.

I pull myself out from the deep recesses of my pillows. “I am so lucky to have you guys.” I reach out and pull them into a hug. Whatever happens with me and Jalen, I know I’ll have these girls by my side forever. I’ll always be in debt to Westvale University for that.

“I’m going to go to bed. I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

Indy and Lola turn off my bedroom light and leave me alone with my thoughts for the rest of the night. I don’t know how I let myself get here, but I have solace in knowing I can survive these feelings because I’ve survived so much worse.

Indy must have turned my phone off last night because I woke up to calls and texts not only from Jalen but from Marcus and Byron, too.

The last text is from Marcus. He tells me that Indy let him know we got home safe. He also says Jalen is distraught over what happened. Marcus swears it was a drunken mistake. I understand why it’s easy for him to chalk it up to a night of booze. The difference is Jalen knew my insecurities and knew that I didn’t trust Evelyn. Heknewthat being blindsided is my worst fear.

A drunk thought is a sober truth.

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