Page 29 of The Riley Effect

The bathroom doesn’t provide the refuge I hoped it would. I can feel the base of the music pumping through the floors. The bright fluorescent lights take a minute to adjust to after being in the dimly lit bar, but at least no one can see the tears streaking down my cheeks.

A soft knock on the door reminds me I locked myself in the bar’s only women’s bathroom on a Saturday night. Who has a single-stalled bathroom in a bar?

“Ivy,” the familiar voice makes my body tense. “It’s not what it looked like out there.”

“Jalen, leave me alone.”

“Ivy, please let me explain. I promise I’d never do that to you. I mean, think about it, I knew you were coming, plus Marcus would rip my balls off if I did anything to hurt you.”

I shake my head before trying to hide a reluctant smile. Marcus and I have formed a close friendship of our own. He doesn’t know the origin of where my panic attacks come from, but he is one of the few people who has seen me have one outside of my sister and roommates. His little sister also struggles with anxiety, so he always knows how to help me through it.

“Please just let me in,” Jalen pleads. “I can explain everything.”

“It’s the girl’s bathroom, Jalen. I can’t let you in.”

I didn’t need to hear Jalen’s humorless laugh to know that wasn’t going to deter him from trying to get in this bathroom.

After calming myself with the breathing techniques I learned in therapy after losing my parents, I fix my makeup in the mirror and unlock the door to Jalen’s apologetic eyes staring back at me. There is no anger or resentment, just a man wanting to explain his side of the story.

My attempt to tell Jalen I don’t want to talk fails when his hand brushes my hip, forcing me backward until his large frame takes up most of the space. He reaches over my shoulder and locks the door, giving me nowhere to hide.

“You really shouldn’t be in here,” I tell him. “We can just talk in the hallway.” I know I can control the conversation out in public, but it feels like anything is fair game with just the two of us in here.

“It’s too loud out there to have a real conversation, and I don’t want to brush this under the rug. I want you to know you can trust me.”

“Trust you,” I punch out the syllables. “You knew I was meeting you here tonight, and you still had some girl draped allover your lap. How the fuck does that send the message that Jalen Holloway deserves my trust?”

He looks at me hesitantly before moving to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear. And then he has the audacity to ask, “Are you done?”

He pauses for a moment, and when I don’t answer, he continues, “Her name is Claire, and we’ve been friends since Freshman year.”

“Just because your friends doesn’t mean you didn’t fuck. I’m sure you’ve slept with many of yourfriends.” I use air quotes around that last word.

Jalen lets out a low laugh, “Yeah, I have slept with my fair share of girls, and so has Claire.”

I watch the color drain from my face in the streaky bathroom mirror. For someone who had so much to say a minute ago, I’m speechless. How was I supposed to know that Claire likes girls? Ruby always says when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and me. And I definitely just made an ass out of myself.

Jalen closes the gap between us and engulfs me in a hug so tender I feel like I don’t deserve it.

“Jalen, I feel…”

“Don’t apologize, Ivy. I wasn’t thinking about how others would perceive Claire and me. We have always had a flirty relationship, and I’ve never cared what anyone else thought about it until now.”

I hold on to him tighter because no words could show him how much that apology means to me. When my Dad drank too much, the night almost always ended in a fight between my parents. When they grew tired of screaming at each other, I know my mom went to bed without an apology. When we woke up the next morning, we all had to brush it under the rug likeit never happened– because if Dad didn’t remember the fight, none of us could.

“I want you to know I haven’t been with another girl since the night of the party.”

“Really?” I reply, stunned by his revelation.

Jalen’s full lips move upward. His hand moves under my chin, using his thumb and forefinger to tilt it up so his eyes can meet mine. And in this disgusting dive-bar bathroom, he reminds me that I have the best friends in the world. “I promised Indy that if I pursued you, I wouldn’t hurt you. I would never purposely hurt you, Ivy. I care about you. I want to know everything about you. Your hopes and dreams, what pisses you off, what makes you laugh.”

Before I can stop myself, my hands lock behind Jalen’s neck but he guides his lips to mine. I’m fully happy to relinquish control to Jalen. After a few seconds, I pull away.

“Our friends are probably wondering where we are.” I bury myself into his chest, taking in his masculine scent.

“Are you ready to go back to them?”

I reach for Jalen’s hand and interlock our fingers. “Only if you get me that drink you owe me.”

---