Page 18 of Teach Me to Laugh

She has no control of the renegade tear that dives from her long lashes to sweep down her cheek. Cocking my head, I released her arm to catch the salty orb with my thumb.

When she didn’t reply, I proposed, “How about you go get into your pajamas, I’ll get into mine, and we meet back here? We’ll gorge on Chinese food and watch movies until we can’t keep our eyes open. Sound good?”

“Sounds . . .” she caught her breath. “So good.”

I couldn’t have torn my eyes from the woman as she walked to the hall if my life had depended on it. I didn’t know I had it in me to be the man I was these past few minutes. I didn’t know I had it in me to be the man she clearly needed. But now that I did, I couldn’t imagine I’d be a man who was worth anything if I didn’t give it my all from here on out.

I wasn’t lying when I said I’d take friendship from her if that were all she had to give. I’d take her friendship for as long as it took for her to want to give me more.

But I understood a little more about Amara Bloom than I had before. She’d been alone for so long, hurt, and abandoned, and afraid, that she’d grown a thick skin. Still, I wasn’t going to hurt her. I’d never abandon her. And I’d conquer every fear she’d show me.

The Past

His fingers locked around my arm, squeezing. He squeezed me so tightly, my fingertips went numb and the muscle beneath my skin pulsed in agony. I’d be bruised tomorrow for sure.

“You like him?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t even know him. He’s—he’s your friend.”

“He likes you.”

“I don’t care.”

“He says you’re off limits. You’re my sister.” He smirked bitterly. “But we both know you’re mine.”

His fingers pulsed as a rush of anger swooped through his eyes, and I whimpered. “You’re hurting me.”

“I don’t care.” He said through his teeth, but his grip loosened. “Tell me what he said to you.”

“He didn’t say anything. He asked for a glass of water, that’s it.” I wished his friends hadn’t come over tonight. I wished I could have decided to study in my room, rather than in the kitchen. But it’d been quieter down here than in my room. My room was next to his—and he and his friends had been listening to really loud music.

“It didn’t look like nothing.”

“I swear—it was nothing.”

I flinched at the sound of the front door slamming closed, rattling the house. His eyes flared at the knowledge that his parents were home, and through gritted teeth, he announced. “I’ll be back in a couple hours.”

And then he was gone, and I was left staring at the closed door of my bedroom with tears burning the whites of my eyes.

I could still feel the harsh throb ofhishand around my arm—a memory brought on by the tender, but frighteningly familiar way Beckett had held me moments before. I knew Beckett wasn’thim.I knew he wouldn’t hurt me likehehad. He’d provedas much by the gentle way he’d handled me even through his frustration, but still, he’d frightened me. And he’d torn loose a memory I wished to keep locked away.

My back was against my door and tears were spilling from my eyes as I gasped, pulling quick breaths into my lungs.

I was thinking this was becoming a kind of habit. I was also thinking it was a habit I needed to break. ASAP.

But right now, like it or not, I was a sobbing mess. His words had stolen my breath, and quite possibly a little piece of my heart. Every word that fell from his lips chiseled away a little more of the wall I’d built around my heart. It was amazing how quickly something I spent years crafting could crumble. But the wallwascrumbling, and Beckett Davis was the one demolishing it.

Sucking in a deep breath, I pushed myself from the door to my dresser. As Beckett proposed, I pulled out my favorite pair of fluffy purple jammies. They weren’t sexy at all, but they were warm and cozy and everything I needed tonight.

I never would have guessed that my well-crafted strength would be obliterated by the man in the next room. He was a funny guy. He was never serious and always cocky. I thought my heart was safe with him. If I had thought for even a moment that he could pull me into his web of feelings, I never would have moved in. I would have run from him. I would have saved myself before it came to this.

But it’s too late now. The year has begun and I couldn’t find a room to rent at the awesome deal I have here with Beckett if I sold my left kidney. I’m stuck and I’m hell bent to make the best of it. So I’ll put on my ugly, ridiculously comfy jammies and I’ll gorge on Chinese, making it clear to the man that I don’t wantanything more than friendship, so he’ll have to take it or leave it, because I don’t have it in me for anything more.

I’ll never have it in me for anything more. Never.

One. Two. Three.

Deep breath in with a deep breath out. Clear the mind. Harden the heart and things will be all right.

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