Page 20 of Sacrificing Zoriah

“Zoriah, thinking that I lost you has put me in a mindset that I’ve tried to avoid,” he says. “The old normal is gone.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Let’s… Go and sit down. I’ll explain,” he says nervously.

“Woah. Must be juicy ifyouare nervous,” I laugh. We walk into his room, and he points for me to sit on his bed. He sits behind me and pulls my hair down my back to start brushing it. “Spill it, Roman.”

“Are you sure? This is… a lot,” he says.

“Yes. I’d like to discuss something that isn’t my trauma,” I say.

“Outside work, how do you see me?” he asks.

“I’d like to think you’re my friend,” I say. “Why?”

“I like you, Riah. A lot. I’ve liked you since before you were my assistant. I have refused to let myself show it because I never wanted to take advantage of you. Knowing that I was the onewho you went to for help and you saying you see me as more than just your boss… I like you. A lot.”

“You said that twice,” I say. “Wanna know something, Roman?”

“I do.”

“I’m in love with you, but that makes me feel bad,” I say.

“How come?” he asks as he finishes, brushing my hair and turning me to face him.

“Because Huxley told me that he loved me. He said he didn’t know if it was a trauma connection or if he actually meant it, but he’s always cared about me. I told him that I love him too, and I’m pretty sure I mean it. It still might be a traumatic thing, but I don’t know what to think because I can’t love both of you.”

“Says who?” Roman asks.

“Uh… society?” I ask.

“Who gives a rat’s ass?” he asks, making me laugh. “I have been in love with you for a long time, Zoriah. If you love me too, I will absolutely make you mine. When we find him and you two decide your true feelings, I will move that man into this house if it means you get to have both of us.”

“Is that why you always intentionally make me blush?” I ask.

“Yes,” he smiles. “Also, I think it’s cute.”

“And when I told you to make me?”

“You nearly broke me with that,” he admits.

“Well, you look scared of touching me, so I think I’m safe,” I laugh.

“You told me not to pity you, so I won’t. If you tell me to make you do something, I will make you right after I fuck that bratty attitude out of you,” he says.

“You sound so serious, but you look so scared,” I smile. “Look… I was a virgin. Okay? I had never had sex before because it just never worked out. Huxley showed me something that might very well have turned me into a whore trying to chase that feeling. There are things that I need right now to function, so I need for you to be very fucking sure about your feelings for me. Don’t lead me along just to not be interested.”

“What do you need, Zoriah?” he asks softly.

“I need stability. I need to know that when I inevitably fall apart, I won’t sink. I need to find a pattern in life again so I don’t go whoring around to try to feel normal. I need to heal and get back to work. After that, I need to find that feeling again. I need to know that orgasms aren’t heartbreaking and I can feel that good again. The vast difference between all of those men and Huxley was astronomical. I need someone who doesn’t want to hurt me to make me come,” I say bluntly.

“Zoriah,” Roman says as he cups my cheek. “I will be right here to be whatever you need. If you need someone to help push you, I’ll push. If you need someone to hold you while you cry, I’ll hold you. If you need someone to make you come, I won’t stop until you beg me to. If we are in love the way we say we are, love doesn’t have limitations. We don’t get to pick and choose when we care. If finding a rhythm in life takes you three years, I will happily jerk off thinking about you until you are ready. If you are never ready, I might have to look into one of those machines so I can pretend it’s you.”

“It won’t be three years,” I laugh.

“Say what you want. Specifically,” he says.

“I want you and Huxley,” I say. “I want to get through the next few weeks, and then I need for you to fuck me like your salvation depends on it. I need to know that it’s possible to feel good naturally.”

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