Page 58 of The Casting Couch

“Right.Right.”I nodded, smiled.“Totally normal.Just casting dudes to jizz on me tomorrow.”

She gave me a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder.“You’re doing great.Just lean into the ridiculous.That’s the only way it works.”

I looked around, scanning the room as the chaos swirled and started to settle, and something hit me.Nico wasn’t here, and I hadn’t seen him all morning.

I turned to Laura.“Hey… where’s Nico?”

She didn’t look up from her clipboard.“What do you mean?”

“I mean, is he not, um, he’s not auditioning too?”

That got her attention.Her eyes flicked up, and for a split second, something smug passed over her face like a cloud drifting in front of the sun.“Why?Do you not want him to do the scene?”

“What?No.I mean—yes.I mean—he’s funny.People like him.And I’m sure he, uh… wants the money?”I could feel myself turning red, heat rising like someone had just opened an oven full of shame.

Laura raised an eyebrow and smirked.“Mm-hmm.”

“I just meant that, you know, if he’s not here, I mean, shouldn’t everyone audition?”

“Sure,” she said, still smirking, “but you get to choose.Remember?Liam and Jack’s orders.So if there’s someone you’d rather not…”

“I want him there,” I blurted.Then realized how that sounded.“Professionally.”

Laura let the silence stretch just long enough to make me want to die, then finally rolled her eyes.“Jesus, Bradley, you’re worse than a gay Hallmark movie.”She swept out of the room, leaving a vapor trail of superiority and subtle perfume, and a second later I heard her voice float in from reception:

“Alright, gentlemen!We’ll be bringing you in one at a time.Yes, you heard me.No, stop that!Keep your dicks in your pants.For now.”

I could already hear someone saying, “Wait, for how long?”

A moment later, Laura returned with the first auditionee.

He was… beige.Like, offensively beige.Beige T-shirt.Beige cargo shorts.Beige energy.I could practically hear him talking about his fantasy football league and his favorite mustard.He looked like a sad Sims character someone gave up on halfway through customization.

“This is Carl,” Laura said, not bothering to hide her lack of enthusiasm.“Carl, this is Bradley, the star of tomorrow’s shoot.”

“Hi!”Carl said, way too chipper.“Big fan of, uh, the genre.”

“The genre,” I repeated.

“Yeah.Bukkake’s kind of my thing.”

“Oh.”I swallowed.“Good for you.”

“We doing, like, eye contact or more of a ‘look into the void’ kind of vibe?”

Laura pinched the bridge of her nose.“Carl, sweetie, this is just the audition.Keep your pants on and just… show us your energy.”

Carl did a double thumbs-up, then proceeded to flex his biceps like he was auditioning for an Old Spice commercial and not a jizz volcano.

I made eye contact with Laura and mouthed, No thank you.

She nodded and gently guided Carl out like she was releasing an animal back into the wild.

Next up was a guy with a man bun and neck tattoos of various vegetables.He introduced himself as “Rawgan.”

“Is that… your legal name?”I asked.

“No,” he said.“But it’s my truth.”

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