Page 115 of Not That Complicated

I didn’t know what emotional baggage Fraser had left with Adam. And I never thought for a second that Adam could imagine I’d compare the two of them and find him lacking in any way.

It was fairly clear, what with me insisting Fraser get off my property, that I wasn’t looking to get back together with him. But Fraser was an attractive man. He was older than Adam, he had a very well-paid job, he was established in life.

I supposed that if Adam had even the slightest doubt about whether or not I saw him as a serious romantic prospect or a sexy young thing for sexy times only, it could have felt like a competition that he couldn’t win.

Which was ridiculous.

And here was another thing. I was annoyed, upset, unsettled that Adam hadn’t contacted me. He hadn’t come by. He hadn’t texted or called. I had, foolishly, expected him to.

I gripped the sides of the kitchen counter, butt still leaning against the cupboards. It was like when I went to stay at my parents. My fingers tightened until the counter was biting into my palm.

He hadn’t called me then. He hadn’t called me until he’d caught me trying to text.

Every single time we’d interacted, he’d come to take care of me. He’d come with a purpose. It was never, not once, for sex.

We’d ended up kissing or almost having sex, and just the once we’d had it, but his reason for coming after me had always been to see if I was all right and to bully me into accepting care.

He’d never come after me for the sole purpose of seducing me.

I’d waited a week. I could wait another thousand weeks.

Adam wasn’t coming.

Adam wasn’t going to show up until I needed him. Until he had a reason.

I’d misunderstood his confidence. Adam wasn’t afraid of anything. He took what he wanted and he moved on. He was brave. He was demanding.

But when it came to him and me…maybe he was as uncertain as I was?

I looked at him and thought, how can this beautiful boy possibly want me? Perhaps he looked at me and thought, how can this average older man want me?

I already knew Adam had a complicated relationship with his looks. It had to do something to you, to be consistently judged for your appearance, whichever end of the spectrum you fell on.

Adam knew that people wanted him.

Had he ever thought that people wanted tokeephim?

Because I did.

I’d keep him forever, if I got the chance.

And it didn’t have a damn thing to do with how he looked. I was a graphic designer. Fine, I was anartist. I knew about lighting and angles and harmonious shapes and spaces. I could appreciate them, but I didn’t get caught up in them. I was interested in what lay beyond them. What they meant. After the initial bedazzlement, it was the Adam behind the beauty that had captivated me.

He had absolutely no reason to think that.

As far as Adam was concerned, he came after me every time I needed him. He provided comfort or help. Bossily and in a domineering way because I wasn’t fooling myself here. He was a bossy bastard. He liked to get his way. He’d made overture after overture, and I….I’d never reciprocated.

I’d only ever put myself in his space when I needed a hotel room, not him.

I’d never reached out.

I’d accepted his advances; I hadn’t genuinely signalled that I was very much in favour of more, had I?

Apart, that is, from the aforementioned ill-timed asking him to move in with me. Now that Liam had mentioned it, that could very well have been seen as a way to rub Fraser’s nose in the fact that nowIwas the one getting it from Adam.

“As fascinating as it is watching you have some kind of revelation over there,” Liam’s voice jolted me out of my reverie, “my shift is over and now, thanks to you, I have to go to the gym and lift weights for the next six hours to work those donuts off.”

“Right, of course. You’re welcome.”

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