Page 92 of All In Good Time

He inhaled against the butt of his cigarette, sucking the thick smoke into his lungs and holding it, begging it to brush and sooth the pain in his chest. Once he could not hold it anymore, he released with his head tilted back, straight into the night sky, where it dispersed into nothing.

“Derek?” a soft, timid voice broke through the cold air.

He hadn’t heard the door opening, or the light steps coming around the house and pausing when they noticed him standing against his car. Snapping his head up, it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the figure ten feet away from him with her arms crossed over her chest to hold the remaining heat against her.

Derek’s grasp on the cigarette slipped, and the stick fell next to his foot, snuffing out slowly on the dark asphalt of the road.

A ghost, manifested by his yearning mind, Becca’s head tilted to the side, and the longer he stared, the better he could see the draw of her brows and pull of her lips.

Seeing her standing in front of him, their eyes meeting in the dark, split him in two halves. The half that wanted to call her all sorts of names, and the half that wanted to lay with her and feel her hands run through his hair.

“What’s wrong? Are you all right?” She took a step forward.

The question pulled him back to his body and he straightened his back and deepened his frown. “I guess you’re always expecting there to be something wrong.”

She didn’t respond right away. Her mouth opened and closed several times before anything came out. “Do you want to come inside?”

“I’m sure your mom wouldn’t be too happy.”

“You know she’s home?”

Know. Knew. He’d known for a long time that her mom had transferred full-time to a local hospital a couple towns over. He guessed she wanted to be closer to her daughter. The rumor mill was easy to follow, especially when you have a vested interest in certain pieces of news. Not that he would tell her that. He didn’t want to tell her anything, so he turned to his car and pulled open the door to make his escape.

“Can I tag along?” The request made him pause. He glanced back at her to take in the fact that she wore a thin coat over pajama bottoms and a pair of running shoes. “I was going for a walk, but a ride sounds better.”

A silence settled over their heads, waiting for his answer. He didn’t know what to say, but he knew what he wanted to say. The dark made it so much easier.

“Get in.”

Becca pattered quickly to the passenger side of his car, climbing in before he could change his mind. He sighed, breath forming a cloud in front of him, before he took his own seat and started the engine.

He turned on his music and let it fill the awkwardness. There were a million things he wanted to say—half of them questions. But he wasn’t going to do that. He’d keep it simple, just to fill the silence.

“Why the late walk?”

Her head turned toward him, and he felt her gaze land on him, but resisted the temptation to meet it. “I couldn’t sleep.”

He nodded, understanding that. He was here for the same reason, among others—not that he would tell her.

Becca shifted in her seat, adjusting uncomfortably. “How are you doing?” It was her turn to ask questions.

He scoffed and shook his head. “That’s a loaded question.”

“It’s a simple question that only needs a simple answer. Good, bad, so-so. I’ll take a single word.”

How could he possibly describe how he felt in a single word? Did he want to tell her?

Yes. The answer was always yes. He wanted to tell her everything.

Derek sighed and gave in. “Tired.” He turned to her, meeting those eyes that studied him with trepidation and something else.

She nodded but didn’t smile. “Me too.”

* * *

The drive was short. No more than ten minutes before he connected the loop in front of her house, stopping right on the curb instead of entering the driveway. She lingered in her seat, wanting to bask in the first moments she’d had with him in what felt like forever. He made no rush to push her out, but he didn’t pull her closer.

How the hell did they end up here? This strange limbo of when and if and what and but.

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