Page 91 of Ethereally Tainted

I am utterly astonished and cannot comprehend how this situation is possible, nothing in my mind makes sense of it. His hand strokes my cheek, wiping away a lone tear that has trailed down, but I continue to stare at him in disbelief. When I gaze into his sapphire blue eyes, which were once filled with life and are now dulled, I know for certain that this isn’t some figment of my imagination. His head slowly lowers, and then the pressure of his lips against mine in a gentle act of affection leaves me stunned.

I’m at a loss for words, unable to express myself because it’s hard to believe this is happening. I feel the pain radiating from him when tears roll down his cheeks. His eyes brim with heartache, a deep sadness visible in his gaze.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out in a hoarse voice. “I’m so fucking sorry, little doll.”

A rush of blood flows to my ears until I cannot hear anything except what he is saying, for his words don’t make sense.

With a gentle touch, he unbuckles the restraints preventing my hands from moving, and as he kneels before me, he apologizes.

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

I look at him with furrowed brows, not understanding why he needs to apologize.

“It’s all my fault.” His voice is broken and fragile, like a piece of glass, unlike anything I’ve ever heard.

He is in front of me, tears flowing from his eyes, remorseful words flowing from his lips, and his body trembling with emotion. The man who is always so composed, only relies on anger for emotion, and it breaks my shitty heart to see him like this.

“W-what do you mean?”

My face clearly shows my bewilderment, and I cannot articulate my sentiments. My mind is blank as to what he is to blame for. As always when I’m in his presence, everything feels so natural, his physical, emotional, and spiritual selves, even his inner struggles and demons, meld with mine in complete harmony. After days without being together, he is here with me, whatever circumstances led to this. And that is the greatest relief.

“I’m here now,” I whisper, my voice barely audible from the vehicle’s engine humming loudly.

I don’t know who I’m trying to soothe, him or myself. The only thing I can hold on to is this, the moment with him inside a vehicle that takes us somewhere I don’t know. Since we tried to escape, we’ve been separated, and I had doubts about never seeing him again because Dankworth Institute is unreliable.

Grey shakes his head frantically, but I’m still holding on to it, my hands tugging at his soft hair.

“Hey, listen to me,” I demand gently.

He looks into my eyes, and the sight nearly has me falling despite lying in his lap. My head is positioned just above his leg, my lips barely brushing against his as he leans back in response to my words while I endeavor to reassure him. I know there are a million things I need to worry about right now, the feelings inside of me are in a constant whirlwind, twisting and turning, tainting my soul, but he is all I care about. He is here and that is all that matters.

“I am here, okay? Whether you talk to me or not, explain shit to me or not, I’m here.”

The brief moment of appreciation and love in his eyes only lasts a moment before those beautiful sapphire eyes return to dullness. What have they done to him? I barely recognize him anymore. They have tried to contaminate and twist him, annihilate his spirit and character in an effort to subdue the beast within. However, their attempts were unsuccessful. He is strong, yet I know I must drag him out of that shell that has him locked up.

“You don’t understand,” he whispers, leaning back so his face is no longer close to mine.

A deep part of me aches for his closeness, yet the overwhelming sadness of being unable to have him near is ever-present. The pain I feel is so strong, it feels like it’s tearing my heart and soul to pieces. He is only an arm’s length away, yet it feels like miles. Tainted, that is what he is now.

“What is it?”

His head jerks back in response, creating an even further distance between us, and the feeling of being separated is like a knife to my heart. Something bothers him, and there is nothing I can do.

“They took you because of me. It’s all my fucking fault.”

My eyes fixate on his body as it retreats to the other side of the vehicle, scrambling backward like he is fighting a disease he cannot wait to escape. The sound of metal hitting metal echoes in the vehicle before he curses loudly. A contorted face denotes his anger as he lets it consume him.

“Grey.”

I try to bridge the gap between us, feeling the emptiness of the space, but he doesn’t let me go near.

“No! You don’t understand, Naya.”

“Then make me understand!” I yell at him in frustration and anger in response to his strange behavior.

As he slowly crawls toward me, he grips my body with a powerful yet gentle force that seems strange coming from him in this current state of rage.

“Look me in my eyes and tell me you don’t see a monster,” he says, voice steady yet on the verge of breaking.

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