Page 58 of Ethereally Tainted

The moment I feel the burning stare of the guard from across the room, my stomach churns, and I instinctively know what to do. If only my plan would work.

“Can you cover me?” I ask quietly, yet loud enough for the four of them to hear, and Aubrey’s face is clouded with confusion.

“What?”

“Cover me, make sure the guard doesn’t have a clear view.”

“I have an idea,” Aubrey states before finishing their food.

Aubrey gives me a devious smile before making sure no one is looking, grabs my plate, feigns eating, and then hands me a fork with a twinkle in their eye.

Although I feel drained, I still give them a large and cheery smile. We finish eating, and as the guard walks up to me and notices my empty plate, he gives me a pleased grin before walking away. I offer a faint, thankful smile to the table before I walk away, my shoes creating a soft sound on the ground. They were all kind, but I can’t handle being near Grey while his eyes stare at me with such intensity, my mind screaming at me that I need to leave while my heart is begging, craving him near.

In a hurry to make it out of the hallway, I’m just about to turn the corner toward wing three when I feel a hand grip me, pushing me up against a wall away from prying eyes. His presence saturates the room with a heavy weight that no other man has ever invoked in me before, and I hate it. I hate it with all my heart because I know it loves the feeling of him close. I despise it with every fiber of my being because my traitorous body and heart love the feeling of him being close. His arms are like a barrier, holding me against the wall, and his hands are heavy on either side of my head. My heart races like a rattlesnake preying on its target, pumping through me like adrenaline, and I’m suddenly up against a hard stone wall that feels like it’s crushing me. His presence has that hold on me. He stares at me without saying anything, just trapping me in, leaving me no choice but to obey his will and stay still. I feel the minty gust of his breath as his lungs expand and contract, a reminder that he is alive and not some kind of sculpture.

“This feels oddly much like déjà vu,” I whisper into the thick air, breaking the silence that penetrates my ears.

My god, the smile that beams across his lips is full of glory, weakening my knees.

“You’re driving me crazy,” he whispers back, not daring to break the silence completely.

I know, I want to tell him. I know because I’ve seen his lingering gazes in the corridor since the first time I saw him. I’ve felt him near me, a raw connection between our souls that refuses to break.

An unbreakable bond.

And that’s what scares the shit out of me. Maybe that is why I cannot tell him the truth about my own feelings, because being close to someone only leads to disappointment, and I don’t want to be the one to walk away with the devastation evident in my broken eyes when the time comes. It’s notifthe time comes, it’swhen, because everything ends. It’s part of life’s circle. His eyes are glazed with the same pain as mine, making the bond even more connected because I know he has his demons too, and I have mine.

We are destined to be doomed.

I try to break free from his encirclement around me in a desperate attempt to escape into my room, but he won’t let me go. We breathe the same air, sharing the same inhale and exhale as we stand like that for what feels like hours. There have never been enough words between the two of us, always a lingering knowing between our gazes as if our souls connect to each other in ways our words cannot.

“I need you, little doll. It’s been three goddamn months of this,” he whispers pleadingly, but I shake my head.

“Don’t call me that. We can’t continue like this. It will never work.” It physically hurts to utter those words, knowing the ugly truth of it all.

“How can you know it won’t work when you haven’t given me the chance yet? And why are you like this, pushing me away all the damn time?”

The migraine is coming back, a groan slipping from my lips as I once again try to break free from the cage that is his arms. His eyes bore into my soul, the intensity of his stare weighing down on me.

“Every single person I care about always gets hurt. Please, I cannot do this.”

My voice breaks as the truth reveals itself from my lips. I never wanted to tell him that, never wanted him to uncover my innermost secrets with just those few words that carry a much greater significance than he could ever understand. Abruptly, I am dragged down the hallway, his footsteps reverberating behind us until we reach my quarters, then the door shuts.

“What are you doing?” I shout frustratedly, but it comes out more feeble than I’d hoped.

Every moment I spent here is painful, recollections I thought I had buried come back to life, and reminiscences I want to remember that never come. An endless cycle of agony engulfs me, with my sorrowful eyes revealing the pain to the world. I am weaker than I thought; I have failed and shown my weakness. His embrace around me is like a prison, but for some reason, I do not try to fight it; I just let myself sink into his arms, and the scent of dark florals combined with a masculine scent fills my senses.Hisscent.

“I know you’re not okay. I see it in your eyes. My demons call to yours, little doll, and I feel you.”

I hate that word, but coming from his lips feels oddly like heaven. His words hit truer than words ever could, and it isn’t until his thumb strokes my cheek that I realize salty tears have started to fall.

“It hurts,” I whisper, tired of always pretending to be fine when, in reality, I am anything but.

This place has fucked me up more than I’ve realized, and I cannot be trapped anymore. I have been locked inside an invisible cage my entire life, and when I finally felt a glint of freedom for the first time, it was taken away from me within minutes. I’m overwhelmed by this strange, unexplainable comfort I cannot push away or ignore.

“Shh, it’s okay.”

His soft whisper in my ear sends shivers down my spine, and his gentle caress of my hair starkly contrasts with the hardness I usually see in him. His face is flushed, and his eyes dart around the room, revealing a side of him no one has seen before. It’s clear he isn’t used to engaging in such close intimacy with someone without sexual relations. I don’t utter a word, my response lost in the silence. I’m too tired and exhausted to do anything other than crumble down and never emerge again.

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