Page 69 of Tales of Earth and Leaves

“I can’t be with you.” She stopped to think better of it, then spoke again, “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

I shook my head, refusing to take in the information, denying to acknowledge what she had just told me.

“No…” I wavered, vertigo taking hold of me. My knees sank onto the floor. I was begging in front of her, begging for her to change her mind, my head bowed and low in front of her as my shoulders trembled in pain. I hadn't known true loss until that moment. A mate’s rejection burnt the spirit. I had heard it before, of unfortunate males whose lives crumbled into specks after the cursed moment. I did not think it would happen to me.

“Anwen…” was all I said, defeated. I abandoned myself into her eyes one more time and saw tears. It was true. She was crying because it was true.

“Anwen, please, don’t do this. I love you,” I voiced as the rest of my body collapsed to the floor and I found myself sitting on the ground like an unstable child, my back supported by the sofa. She took a seat in front of me, crouching next to where I had landed. A hand touched my arm and I felt her squeezing lightly, as though she was afraid I would break.

“I am sorry, Ansgar,” she replied. “I am so, so sorry.”

I did not say anything, not even look in her direction without unravelling, so she started telling me the story I did not ask to hear. “After you left last night,” she paused, thinking her words through and taking a few breaths of air, then continued, “I started thinking about everything. About the way you treated your brother. I don’t know you, not really.”

I growled from the pain built up inside me, her every word drilled into me, but she resumed. “It made me realise that what we have, what we thought we have,” she corrected, “is just a fantasy. I am a human and you are fae, we are built differently, we feel differently, we have different needs.”

“Anwen, I would give you everything in my power. I am sorry I scared you last night—” I tried to argue but she cut me off.

“I like my life, Ansgar. I don’t want to hide and live in a forest forever. And I would give anything to have just another moment with my brother, yet here you are, treating yours with unimaginable violence,” she continued.

It was my turn to stop her. “You can have all of that with me Anwen. We can travel, we can have a life. I will make amends with my brother, I swear to you.”

“I love my human life. Why would I sacrifice it all for…”

For me.The words remained unsaid but I grasped them. I was not enough for her. What kind of life could I offer her if she would have to follow me into an unknown world, where everyone, even my family was against us? I understood. It broke me, it destroyed every miserable trace of hope I still held, but she was right. She wanted more. She deserved more.

I forced myself up. Anwen followed me, extending her hands like she wanted to help me get up but I ignored them as I responded, “Anwen, I truly hope you will be very happy, you deserve everything this world has to offer.”

For a second, her instincts pushed her to me, as though she wanted to return into my arms and an invisible wall held her back. She held her composure and responded with a nod.

“Thank you, Ansgar, I hope you find another mate and live a happy life too,” she said as new tears sprouted.

“There is no other,” I murmured and forced my form to disappear. I found myself back into my chambers, the aroma of Anwen’s perfume lingering in my nostrils and I finally allowed myself to feel. Pain, desperation, frustration, jealousy, misery and regret formed a nest in the place I once called heart and transformed every ounce of joy I ever felt… Into nothing. Whatever world was spinning around me, it faded away by the desperation of losing my mate, just when I had finally found her. Nothing else mattered.

My heart pumped so fast that I prayed to the goddess to help it burst and put me out of this misery.

Broad daylight burned by eyes, forcing them open. I felt my throat rasp. I needed a drink, so I reached towards the nightstand where a bottle of absinthe had found permanent residence.

“Looking for this?” a voice echoed from the opposite corner of the room. I saw Damaris casually sitting in a chair, waving the half empty bottle at me.

“Aha,” was my only reply. I extended my hand in his direction, willing the bottle to appear in my hand.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” he asked but I replied with an uncaring groan and turned towards the wall, covering my head with a pillow to block the sunlight.

Steps came towards me, then the pillow was forcefully removed from my face and my shoulders were shaken abruptly, forcing me back into consciousness. Damaris’ face greeted me.

I smiled widely at him, “Hello, brother. What are you doing here?”

“Ansgar, what are you doing to yourself?” he grabbed my jaw and forced me to look at him. “You’ve been at this for two weeks, it needs to stop. Now!” he ordered.

“How do you know that?” I reprimanded him for spying on me.

“Brother, we’ve been receiving reports of faeries seeking aid and finding you constantly drunk. And the palace’s cellars are emptying so fast it looks like we’re hosting a party of a hundred. It needs to stop,” he repeated.

I waved my hand dismissively, “What do you care about a few bottles?” But his firm hands did not leave my shoulders.

“You have been drinking for thirteen days straight and by the looks of it, passing out is a common occurrence for you these days. The district is neglected and your liver will not take much more of this.”

“It’s fine,” I replied as I tried to get back to my pillow but his firm grip kept me grounded. “The goddess is caring for them, they’ll live,” I said. I did not know if two weeks had passed indeed or if Damaris just wanted to make me react. The truth was that since I last saw Anwen, the only thing left to do was try to drink the pain away and absinthe seemed to be the best solution. After a few bottles, I felt nothing, my entire figure left in this floating frenzy that washed away every feeling.

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