Page 79 of Misery In Me

Bath time is doneand Zoe’s in bed for the night. I head downstairs to find the living room cluttered with his gear spread out. Piles of uniforms, underwear, socks, and miscellaneousthings, folded and piled up. Seeing it all in front of me makes this all so real. Just as I hit the main floor, he walks in from the back of the house. Gage’s arms are full of little plastic bags of beef jerky, nuts, water mixes, and electrolyte packets.

“I know it’s a fucking hot mess in here.” He chuckles, walking by and dropping everything on the coffee table. “It’ll be cleaned up before the BBQ on Saturday.”

“I don’t care about the mess, Gage.” I whisper, staring at everything. “I would take the mess over you leaving.”

The look on his face makes my heart hurt, like this is all hurting him just as much as it is me. “I wish I didn’t have to go too,Hermosa. Come here, let me hold you for a little.”

I cross the threshold into the living room and Gage moves stuff from the couch so he can sink down into the cushions and I stop before him. He reaches his hand toward me and I intertwine my fingers with his. Gently he tugs me down, and I straddle his thighs and rest my head against his bare chest. I trace the intricate patterns and just breathe. The silence surrounds us and we don’t need to say anything to fill it.

I just need him.

My skin touching his skin.

Memorizing the sound of his heartbeat.

I don’t know how long we stay like this. Where he just holds me, his hands stroking my hair and down my back. I adjust and bury my face in the space between his neck and shoulder, breathing him in. Gage smells like home to me.Cedarwood and the ocean.There isn’t anything sexual about this moment, but this feels the most intimate we’ve ever been.

“Te amo, Alejandra. Eres mi todo. Tú, Zoe, y este bebé.” His hands grip my hips and pull me back. Looking into my eyes, his hands move, framing my face, and I don’t fight the tears that fall. “I know I don’t make promises of coming back… becauseanything can happen over there. I desperately want to tell you I will. But I refuse to lie to you.”

I would take the truth from him. The promise of coming home and then him not would crush me harder than giving it to me straight right now. “I never want you to lie to me. Even if you know the truth will hurt me. I chose this life with you, even if it meant that my heart has to break every time you leave. Because the moments I get with you are more than I could have ever asked for in life.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Alejandra. I don’t know if you believe in God or some other higher power, but I just know that someone or something out there finally pulled my card and was like, “Let’s give him her”—and then you came along. You make my best days better and my darkest days worth fighting through,Hermosa.”

Deep in my heart, I know he will come home to us.

“We’ll be here waiting for you,Cariño. The three of us. Let’s leave this for the night and just go cuddle in bed.” I lean in and kiss his forehead and feel him release a breath and feel his body relax.

“Sounds good to me.”

THIRTY-ONE

GAGE

Saturday:

The backyard is a madhouse of kids screaming and wives chatting while the five of us huddle around the grill arguing over how the meat’s cooking. Victor takes a pull from his beer and nudges me and I follow his eyes to our wives with the kids in the little kiddie pool we set up this morning. “You did good at pulling that one,” he smirks and waves over to his wife.

“And you didn’t with Rebecca?” Watching Ale dip Zoe’s toes in the water and Zoe trying to launch herself into the pool has me cracking up.

“Oh, I totally did. I wholeheartedly believe I don’t deserve that woman. Yet she keeps giving me babies. It’s gotta be Stockholm syndrome, right?” His body shakes with laughter as Rebecca stares at him, looking over at me to clue her in.

My face twists in a wide, cringy grin, and I shake my head, mouthing, “He’s nuts.” She laughs and Ale looks over to see what’s going on and when her eyes find mine, nothing else in the world matters.God, she’s so fucking beautiful.I honestly can’t believe she is upright right now with how sick she was thismorning. From five in the morning to just before the Moraleses came over, she was hovering over the toilet, dry heaving.

But my girl is pushing through like a mother fucking champ.

I swear she will never not amaze me.

“So,” Jackson interrupts my daydreaming about my wife. “How is she handling the deployment prep? Was she with you when you came home from the last mission?”

I turn around and flip the steaks and hot dogs, then grab my water. “Yeah, she was here with Zoe, and she helped me get back on my feet. We weren’t together then, but it wasn’t long after that we got together.” I take a drink and set the bottle back down. “Ale’s doing better than I expected. I’m just worried she’ll feel alone.”

“She’ll have Rebecca and the kids.” Victor adds.

“I’m sure our wives would step up too,” McCormick motions to his and Jackson’s wives. “Brook’s wife, too. Where the fuck is he? I thought he said he’d be here like forty-five minutes ago.”

“He’s probably parked out front, fucking her in the backseat.” Jackson chuckles. “Married for a year and they still fuck like rabbits.”

I turn away and silently laugh.If only they knew.

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