Page 37 of Misery In Me

I need to get on some birth control ASAP.

I head upstairs to Gage’s bedroom, with Zoe cradled in my arms. I try to clear my mind of the lingering desire from our kiss. My main priority is to feed Zoe and make sure she is comfortable, as it is my responsibility. I’m supposed to be completely focused on her. Not her father.

I sit down on his bed, propping myself up against the pillows as I get Zoe comfortable in my arms. As she drinks, I try to rationalize why getting involved with Gage is a bad idea. We barely know each other, and yet the chemistry between us is undeniable. But what about the risks? What about the fact that I’m not on birth control and we’re already hot and heavy? The thought of getting pregnant while Zoe is a newborn sends a wave of panic through me.

I don’t have the means to take care of a baby if things with Gage were to go sour. Or if he were to change his mind. What if he ended up seeing this as another bad decision and then I’m just left to raise a kid by myself?

Zoe is nearly three months old, and the last thing either of us needs is another baby to worry about. And yet, as I look around Gage’s bedroom, I can feel myself getting drawn in. This feels like a safe space, like a haven from the chaos of my life.

I’m always the one putting my life on hold for other people. What about what I want? I’ve dreamed of having my own family. Children of my own, marriage, and building a beautiful life with someone. But I have always put my own desires second. I had to come here to go to school and get a good job just to help my family back home. My dreams never mattered.

What if they could now?

Just as I’m getting lost in my thoughts, telling myself I’m stupid for thinking he would even want to complicate his life even more, Gage appears at the door with a tray laden withfood. He smiles at me as he sets it down on his bedside table. “Breakfast in bed,” he says, sitting down beside me on the bed.

As Zoe continues to drink her bottle, Gage picks up a piece of sausage and holds it out to me on a fork. “Eat,” he says softly, his eyes locked on mine. “You eat while she eats. If I’m not feeding her, I’m going to make sure you get fed.”

If the man is trying to seduce me. It’s working.

Fuck, am I ovulating or something? Because this man is looking more and more attractive by the second.

I take a bite of the sausage, feeling a little self-conscious about eating in front of him. But as he feeds me bite after bite—eggs scrambled just right, fresh fruit sliced into perfect wedges—something shifts inside me. It feels intimate, this quiet morning moment we’re sharing together.

Gage takes another piece of fruit from the plate, placing it gently against my lips, and I open, allowing him to place it inside my mouth. Chewing slowly, never breaking eye contact with him. I swallow, then lean forward, reaching for the orange juice glass, taking a small sip from the straw. Our eyes locked the whole time.

It was so tense between us, you could practically feel the attraction. We know where this might lead, but neither of us wants to stop, even though everything is screaming at us to. To think and be rational for just a second.

How can I be rational when he looks at me like I’m the most beautiful thing in the world alongside his daughter?

Hormones say, You can’t.

“Gage,” I look at him and it’s like he already knows what I’m going to say.

“I know.” He bites his lower lip, scratching the back of his head and whispering. “I know.”

Situating Zoe on my shoulder to burp her, he leans across the space between us and kisses me again. This kiss feels different.The only way to describe it would be that it’s no longer just hesitant and full of unbridled want. No, this kiss is sure, like it knows what we are and where this is going. Even though I’m almost positive that Gage and I don’t have a clue. While he kisses me and I get lost in all the what ifs, Zoe lets out a burp, and warm spit-up cascades down my back and all over the pillows.

“Did she just—” he says against my lips, then pulls himself back, wide-eyed.

"Puke on me,” I gag a little and nod. “Mmhm.”

I scoot and get off the bed, making a beeline for her nursery. “Ale,” he calls after me, his footsteps right behind me. I have her on the changing table, cleaning her up, when he appears next to me. “Go shower and I’ll get her situated. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Stepping aside, he grabs my hand and pulls me back. His lips connect with mine in a searing kiss. “I smell like vomit, Gage.” I try to pull back.

“Still beautiful.”

Once in my room, I grab some clothes and head into the bathroom. I turn the shower on and let the steam envelope the room, leaving the door cracked for when Gage comes in. I pull the shirt over my head and chuck it in the hamper, stripping from my thong and heading into the shower to start without him. After a few minutes, I just stand under the hot stream of water, taking a moment to re-evaluate my life choices, when I hear what sounds like the doorbell.

“I got it,” Gage shouts and I hear his feet thumping down the stairs. I turn off the shower and I practically jump out of my skin as I open the door and hear Gage’s booming voice from downstairs.

“What thefuckare you doing here?”

FOURTEEN

GAGE

Breathe, Gage. Don’t let the emotions get to you. She’s still Zoe’s birth mother.

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